The Empath vs. Narcissist Dynamic — And the Real Root of Dysfunctional Relationships
By Jackie Rioux | Ladybug Wellness May 11 2025
In spiritual and psychological circles alike, the terms empath and narcissist get thrown around constantly — often with little understanding of the deeper patterns involved. This page is not here to diagnose anyone. It’s here to explore a much-needed perspective shift. (Personally, I prefer to call myself an intuitive rather than an empath due to these connotations and misrepresentations).
Let’s Clear This Up: Narcissist Is an Overused Label
The clinical diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is far rarer than social media would have you believe. Many destructive behaviors might resemble narcissistic traits, but that doesn’t mean someone qualifies for a diagnosis.
When someone labels a person a narcissist, what they often mean is: “This person hurt me and doesn’t seem to care.” That may be true — but labeling them a narcissist doesn’t actually solve anything.
What we can look at is the dysfunctional relationship dynamic between an unhealed, disempowered empath and a person stuck in control or manipulation patterns.
Unhealed Empaths and Energy Vampires
Many self-identified empaths feel deeply, give too much, and struggle to maintain boundaries. They’re not broken — they’re often unhealed. And when an empath hasn’t dealt with their own trauma, they tend to:
• Feel responsible for other people’s emotions
• Confuse helping with overextending
• Mistake trauma bonding for love or connection
• Blame others for “making them feel too much”
This is where the empath becomes the energetic match for someone with manipulative tendencies — what we might casually call a narcissist.
But here’s the kicker: once an empath heals and strengthens their boundaries, they no longer attract these dynamics. They stop seeing others as narcissists — because they’ve stopped playing the victim.
As I’ve said many times:
Once an empath heals and develops boundaries, they will no longer see the other as a narcissist anymore — and the “narcissist” will no longer have a victim.
From Lived Experience: I’ve Been There
I could easily say that every past relationship I’ve had was with a narcissist. But the truth is, they were all wounded people, acting out the only patterns they knew. They were trying to reclaim a sense of power from their own traumas. So was I.
This is not an excuse — it’s an explanation. One that has brought me deep peace and the ability to forgive both them and myself.
Today, I have amazing people in my life. Because I did the work. I reclaimed my energy. I stopped blaming and started healing.
Teaching Moment: When Clients Mirror This Pattern
I’ve worked with several clients over the years who showed up with what I call chronic victim energy. One client in particular repeatedly overstepped my boundaries — despite clear communication and multiple chances. She’d say she understood, but her actions contradicted that.
After finally sending a direct message to end personal contact outside of scheduled sessions, she responded with a seemingly kind message — full of apologies and saying she wouldn’t reach out again. Then, hours later, she sent another message titled “I don’t need a reply, I just need you to know this…”
It was a long emotional download, full of justification about how hard she was trying to heal, how isolated she felt, and how much she appreciated me. On the surface, it sounded heartfelt. But underneath, it was the classic empath-without-boundaries move: one last hook to regain emotional connection, to make sure I carried the weight of how she felt.
I’ve had others like this too — clients who started as lovely connections but ended in energetic collapse. One ended in a police wellness check after she became suicidal. I had tried to hold space, thinking we were becoming friends. But I realized she was living vicariously through my life, not actually living her own.
These experiences have taught me to hold stronger boundaries — not just for my own energy, but as a way to model what healing truly looks like.
Empath Doesn’t Mean Savior
You are not here to fix anyone. You are not obligated to absorb everyone else’s pain.
True healing begins when we recognize the difference between compassion and codependency.
If you’re tired of calling everyone in your life a narcissist… maybe it’s time to turn inward. Are you still identifying as an empath to avoid doing your own inner work?
That may sound harsh. But it’s also freeing. Because once you start setting boundaries and reclaiming your energy — your entire world shifts.
4 Things Your Learn as an Empath When You Heal….
🧘♀️1-You Can’t Make Real Friends with Fake People… you simply can’t stand to even be around fake energy and you stop trading your energy for a false sense of connection. You look for meaningful connection instead and learn to honor your energy.
🧘♀️2-You Realize Not Everything Deserves a Response… because you learn to stop responding to other people’s nervous system and chaos. Instead, you discern what is worth your energy and time.
🧘♀️3-You Learn to Trust Your Intuition… because you practice shutting other people’s emotions, fears and beliefs out and tune back into your own instead.
🧘♀️4-You Don’t Feel the Need to be Included, Understood or Accepted like you used to… instead you learn to do those things for yourself and find the places you truly belong and can be seen and understood.
Healing helps us disentangle ourselves from other’s energy because it forces us to practice being in tune with our needs and being responsible for them. It also helps let go of the judgement, codependency and hurt we can project onto others at times too and helps us realize… I am responsible for me & fully capable of meeting my own needs🤍
Resources & Further Reading
• Amy Jo Ellis – Court of Atonement techniques for relationships
• The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker – Recognizing intuition and red flags
________________________________________
Related Reading:
Choosing a Practitioner — What Makes a Good Fit
https://ladybugwellness.ca/a-choosing-a-practitioner/
Relationships: Recognizing Abuse
https://ladybugwellness.ca/relationships-recognizing-abuse/
Overcoming Trauma and Abuse
https://ladybugwellness.ca/b-overcoming-trauma-and-abuse/
Survivor Checklist | Trauma After Effects
https://ladybugwellness.ca/survivor-checklist/
Need energetic support to reclaim your boundaries? Book a session with me — and let’s clear what’s really holding you back.
https://ladybugwellness.as.me/
*****************************************
More articles:
• The Toxic Attraction Between an Empath & a Narcissist. https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/the-toxic-attraction-between-an-empath-a-narcissist/
This is the best explanation I have ever heard:
Is the world full of Narcissists??
Jenny Schiltz
https://youtu.be/OYr–LMgVB8?si=kRGPd1auoqDB9S2p
Hi. So today I had a client asked me if the world was just full of narcissists. And the answer to her question was, yes. And no. Now, she is someone who has experienced narcissism in every single one of her relationships, whether it’s parental, whether it’s love relationships, employers, like everywhere she turns even in deep friendships. There’s narcissism, right? And so, for her, the answer is absolutely yes. The truth of the matter is the answer is no. So, then you go, well, why is it yes for her? And it’s because within she has the deep inner child wounding like so many of us do. And that is screaming out to be healed. And so, the way that we get shown that there’s this deep wound within, is in our outer relationships. So, she’s constantly being mirrored this wound of I’m not enough, I’m never be enough. And I keep attracting friends, lovers, employers that take advantage of me. Take me for granted don’t see me. And it’s because within there is a part of her that feels that way from a very young age. So, everything is flipping and mirroring back at her so that she can heal it and it can be really hard to look at the outer circumstances and call it a gift, but in many ways it is. It’s a gift because it’s showing you what’s hidden, what’s unhealed, what needs to shift in order to change the outer circumstances of your life. So, the answer for her is Yes. Her world is full of narcissists. And it will be until the little one within is healed, and feels loved and wanted and seen and acknowledged for their light. But overall, is the world full of narcissists? No. There are so many amazing people on this planet. So, if you’re experiencing the narcissistic relationships or some other type of patterning that’s going again and again and again, it’s your clue of what’s going on deep within of what’s hidden, and what is needing your attention and healing. Doing that type of deep inner child shadow work, even past life work is so incredibly valuable. It is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. So, I wanted you to understand how the mirroring of our wounds works. And while it’s very painful when we’re in it, once we heal it, we don’t need the narcissistic boss or the narcissistic lover. We don’t need any of that to show us that there’s a wound because there is no longer a wound.
Sending you lots of love.
***************************************
“The empath/narcissist split that is wildly popular in the spiritual community just reinforces violence, separation, duality, and ego. Yes, there are (clinically diagnosable) narcissists out there. But just because someone has mistreated you, doesn’t immediately make them a narcissist. We all have a bit of narcissist and empath within us. That’s the point of shadow work: to take an honest look at ourselves, get real, and develop self-love. We don’t need any more violence spread in the world.” ~ Luna & Sol
***********************
Thank you, Tammy S, for this insight:
“Most (labeled) narcissists actually have such low ego strength (low self-concept) that they overcompensate by putting others down and making others feel like they are less than them. We ALL project what we REALLY feel deep down inside… onto others… which means the narcissist who is truly broken inside will project, create and pull that very same thing out of you. Because, we don’t often see other people for who THEY are… we see others based on who WE are…. and the narcissist will see you as broken, weak, less-than, to be used, an object for their bidding… because that is what is lurking under their overly pompous external façade.”
**********************************
NEED HELP DEALING WITH A NARCISSISTIC PERSON?
Although Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is rare, millions of people have many of the traits of NPD. In fact, nearly everyone exhibits narcissistic traits at some time or other. If you’ve seen a toddler throw a tantrum over something trivial, you know what I mean.
Many people don’t outgrow those immature behaviors. We find them in our families, personal relationships, in the workplace, where we shop, you name it, there’s someone who hasn’t matured and is stuck on stupid. Thankfully, only a few go to the lowest depths and truly become a danger to those they encounter.
The biggest problem is those with NPD traits often blame others for all of their problems. As a result, it is rare for them to seek counseling, unless a major crisis happens that lands them in the counselor’s office. This often only happens when forced into alcohol or drug rehab or through a court order.
If you’re having problems with a person whose narcissistic habits are driving you nuts, check out my website for resources on how you can learn to deal with them without pulling your hair out or how you can safely break free. If your life is a mess due to their behaviors, that’s a sure sign that you aren’t saving them, instead reach out for the life preserver before you drown.
As you view the resource page, let me know if you have used other resources or counselors that helped you. I will then check them out and add them to the list in hopes they can help someone else.
You can find the “Narcissism Resources” link in the green box at the bottom of my website, or click here: https://www.theresacrabtree.com/narcissism