Relationships: Tips for Healing
**If I have sent you to this page, particularly look at “Sending Reiki to Relationships” and “Getting over an Obsession” below. These are my best recommendations for clearing up energy between two people. ***
Are humans really even compatible? Some days we can live with them and sometimes we feel we could just strangle them out of frustration. Not a good idea to act on those feelings though, mkay?
What can we do to bring some peace and quiet to the drama of our lives in interacting with others, especially in close relationships?
It helps tremendously to understand that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, by our soul’s choice. What?? I did not sign up for this!! Whether we embrace that theory or not, here we are.
The absolute basic human needs are acceptance and connection, which all comes from LOVE. Through our growth and development, we are supposed to learn about healthy love and connection. Who of any of us has had a perfect upbringing when our parents have done the best they could under their own experiences and influences? Then look at our ancestry and go back another generation, and another.
If we use a Christian example, let’s go back to the betrayal between Adam and Eve, or the jealousy between Cain and Abel. We have generations of dysfunctional patterns that every human must face in their own path to enlightenment and in their own development of healthy relationships to meet their own needs of love, acceptance, and connection.
The lowest rung of Maslow’s hierarchy is survival and it is all based on fear instincts to get our needs met. This is where we will likely find a lack of personal boundaries and self respect with casual sex, lying, cheating, and stealing. Looking back to any point in history, there are many examples of Maslow’s hierarchy at play.
Thankfully we are at a time in our human evolution where we have the knowledge and tools to heal the past and to create a much brighter future for ourselves, and with our loved ones. We can embrace this human experience to know and feel what love, connection, and acceptance is, in its true Divine form.
If you have perused this website at all, you know that my background is childhood sexual abuse, how that affected my life, and how I have overcome that past. I have had two failed marriages, and a few dysfunctional relationships that have given me the knowledge and experience to tell you that my past is a great example of everything to NOT do to have a healthy relationship.
Many of my friends and clients think that I seem to have great wisdom in how to heal relationships now. While I am humbled at this perception, I also know it is because I lived through some pretty poor choices myself. Through my own healing journey, I have collected many effective resources that I now invite you to explore to see what resonates best for you.
You will find several other pages within this website regarding relationships. I invite you to check those out as well.
This page is to offer some suggestions on how to clear the energetic imbalances in your relationships to repair and heal the past, and therefore, to create a better future for yourself and your loved ones, together or not.
Despite my own past experiences, I still always hope for the success of a relationship. My best advice over all I have learned is that only YOU can decide whether to stay in or to leave a relationship. Unless there is life or death physical abuse issues going on, no one has the right to tell you what you should do in your choices. Further, if you do take advice from anyone to leave a relationship before you are ready to do so, you then have someone else to blame other than yourself. This is not conducive to your own maturity, independence, and growth.
Your own heart will know when you are done and when your own life lessons have been learned.
4 C’s to improve any relationship:
Communicate: Where there’s a void in communication negativity fills it.
Connect: Develop trust that leads to emotional safety.
Commit: Serve and sacrifice for each other.
Care: Don’t just go through the motions. Invest in the relationship.
These are my most often cited recommendations:
Court of Atonement: There are many suggestions for Courts of Atonement calls in other pages. This Obsession Protocol blog post is my favorite suggestion for relationships. Personally, I have gone through this entire protocol using the names of every past romantic and platonic relationship, failed friendships, and any other interactions with others that feels any sort of tension.
Getting Over an Obsession: I HIGHLY recommend this protocol often, to everyone. Personally, I have used this protocol to clean up energies in pretty much every “relationship” I have ever had. I revisit this one myself often any time I remember someone from my past, or have a new issue to address. Any past marriages, divorces, failed friendships, love interests, etc. I have even used this on a past stalker situation I had for someone where I didn’t know a name. I just intended to work on “Stalker person”. As long as intention is there, it works. Try it 😊
Also, I find this also clears up poor relationship patterns as well. https://amyjoellis.com/2018/05/05/getting-over-an-obsession/
Relationship energy balancing session: Did you know you can be energetically “allergic” to your partner? No matter which direction you choose to go in staying with a partner, or leaving, or finding a new partner, a Resonating Relationship session will uncover the energetic blocks within yourself that are hindering a happy healthy relationship with a romantic partner as well as many other relationships in your life. Working on your own energetic blocks will positively affect all interactions with others.
In a Resonating Relationships session, we also look at your conflict resolution styles and uncover energetic blocks so you can be in a space of collaboration in effectively meeting your own needs as well as others needs.
Sending Reiki to “The Relationship”:
Whether relationships are platonic or romantic, we can send Reiki to “The Relationship” between two people with “the relationship” as an entity of its own. Think of a triangle. You and the other person are the bottom corners, “your relationship” is the top. This technique respects that we need permission to send Reiki to another person, but sending to the relationship is addressing the higher selves, the spiritual aspect. Reiki has its own wisdom and will always be for the best outcome for both parties most benevolent outcome.
Play this video of sending Reiki to your intended two parties. Can be a partner, a co-worker, friend, or other loved ones:
Reiki for Relationships: https://youtu.be/embIG_UC-D0
Note: Although this technique clears the energy between two people, the outcome may not be what we expect. Usually there will be renewed hope and the relationship will flourish. However, I read an article many years ago from a practitioner with two examples of what else can happen when Reiki cleanses the energy to uncover the truths we cannot see:
1. This practitioner’s best friend met a guy who was “too good to be true”. Perfect, family loved him, etc. As wedding gift, thankfully before wedding, she sent Reiki to the relationship. Within days, truths were uncovered and his lies surfaced. The relationship fell apart and saved her friend from long term grief.
2. A married male client came to her and asked to her to send Reiki to the relationship he had with his mistress as he wanted to be with her but thought she was cheating on him. (Yes, this usually gets a few giggles and eye rolls). Anyway, she did as she was asked and sent to that relationship. The truth came out a few days later, yes, the mistress was cheating on him. That relationship fell apart and his marriage flourished instead.
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Free Weekly Remote Group Sessions: Add yourself and your loved ones to this rest and receive session offer here: https://ladybugwellness.as.me/LBWgroup3
We can add loved ones to the Sunday sessions as I don’t need explicit permissions there and the healing energies go only where they are welcome. Many find benefits in these sessions, especially over the long term.
The Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. I read a book this 2009. Quite interesting. Find my notes here: https://ladybugwellness.ca/relationships-and-the-sacred-marriage/
Mark Gungor: I highly recommend following this pastor who has a blunt, down to earth type of humor while expressing and teaching his philosophy of “laugh your way to a better marriage”. You can find all sorts of video clips on YouTube (Tale of Two Brains is most popular). You can learn all sorts of excellent information about relationships while having a good laugh as well.
Love Languages books by Gary Chapman: Understanding that a partner’s love language may be different than our own can make a world of difference in communication and healing a relationship.
Mars/ Venus books by John Gray: I found these books to be quite insightful into my own journey of healing past relationships as they succinctly explain the contrasts and differences between men and women that are integral and instrumental in developing a healthy functional relationship with a romantic partner. Understanding how the opposite sex operates instinctually has been absolutely eye opening. I also learned more about my own femininity that made a world of difference for me in all my interactions with others.
Resurrecting Venus book by Cynthia Occelli: An excellent book to understand the differences between men and women, and how embracing our own feminine and masculine strengths is the key to functional and healthy relationships.
Energy clearing and balancing can bring some healing to a relationship. There is plenty of information throughout this website to do some work yourself, or to book a session with a practitioner. Particularly, I offer a “relationship clearing” session that can be used for yourself or working on yourself with respect to having a partner. This session focuses on the healthy aspects of a relationship (harmony, nurture, and connection) to bring you more into alignment and also looks are your conflict resolution skills. This can have a profound effect on your alignment with healthy relationships.
The free downloadable Master list Excel document is my own compilation of favorite lists and tools to use within energy balancing sessions. Thankfully Emotion Code and Body Code are effective modalities to identify energetic imbalances and to bring about clarity and discernment in your choices. If you do a lot of your own healing work, you may find this document useful: https://ladybugwellness.ca/lbw-resources/
Clearing Emotional Ties: Downloadable audio and notes:
Emotional Ties are the reactions and charges you hold on to as a consequence of your interactions with others. Consciously these are the feelings and interpretations you’re aware of; unconsciously they are the feelings and interpretations that others project onto you, which you (also unconsciously) accept and take on.
Despite its apparent simplicity, this practice is actually very powerful and can produce shifts overnight. It works primarily by directing your intent and your allowing of Divine Intelligence to partner with you.
https://altazarrossiter.com/clearing-ties/
Energy clearing and balancing can address ancestral patterns, inner child wounds, dysfunctional patterns that get to the root cause behind symptoms and issues. This is an example I use often to explain:
A client can tell me, for instance, their relationship broke up last week and their partner ran off with their best friend.
Trauma repeats itself. So, while that event may seem like the most important upset to clear, when we do a session, I may bring up an upset from grade 3 which my client identifies as an incident where a lunch box was stolen and their lunch was eaten.
Now, in this example, a partner and a lunchbox, or a lunch and a best friend are not the same things, yet the upset of betrayal, loss, grief, etc. is all the root issue behind the partner issue. Energy work has this unique way of finding the roots and residual energies behind the real problems of dysfunctional relationships.
Energy clearing can also uncover detrimental cordings and attachments that have a draining and negative influence on otherwise healthy relationships.
Psychic Cords: http://askingangels.com/psychic/cutcords.php
Energy Vampires: http://askingangels.com/psychic/energy-vampire.php
Soul Ties: http://krisvallotton.com/7-signs-of-an-unhealthy-soul-tie/
Relationships vs Entanglements: http://wakeup-world.com/2016/09/27/are-you-in-relationships-or-entanglements/
Recognizing Abuse: https://ladybugwellness.ca/relationships-recognizing-abuse/
Detrimental effects of casual sex: In romantic relationships there is a whole other level of connection that can be a source of issues when the relationship goes sour. Back in 2012, Cynthia Occelli shared this video. I have never found such a succinct explanation that is non religious yet supports a scientific and energetic view of the reasons that casual sex can be so damaging to our psyche and to our future relationships with the wounds we carry forward.
Why Casual Sex is an Oxymoron
The non-religious, non-moral basis for refraining from sex outside of a monogamous relationship.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2LHIE1tn_k
Transcription of this video provided by the Otter app:
“Hello, I’m Cynthia Occelli and today I want to talk to you about sex and monogamy. I am a strong proponent of the confines of the monogamous relationship. I’m very opposed to casual sex and I’d like to tell you why. My reasoning has nothing to do with morals or religious judgment. It’s something much deeper and far more personal from my view than that. The first thing my first reason is and my most important reason is spiritually spirit. from a spiritual perspective. Your body is the temple of your spirit. And it’s the place where your entire outlook and experience of life is governed by the dominant tone of the energy that you have. If you’re feeling healthy, and positive and optimistic and safe in the world, you move through the world enjoying your life experience, and protecting your energy from all types of toxins, environmental, negative people, negative experiences, protecting your energy is vital for your success. So, the idea of allowing someone who you don’t have mutual respect, admiration and love for inside the temple of your spirit is dangerous. It’s in that’s just that’s the best way I can put it. And the reason it’s so dangerous is because when you have the experience of orgasm, it’s not just a physical experience. It is a spiritual experience and it opens your energy centers and makes you vulnerable. And so, when in that moment in those open moments you’re taking in whatever energy is sharing your energy field, and if the person you’re with happens to have a lower energy than yours is troubled or wounded or angry, or toxic, or an energy vampire, someone who just sucks on energy and drains it from you. It can deplete you in the moment and it can shift your energy far lasting and create impacts negative impacts that lasts far beyond the sexual experience. So, it’s quite a gamble to take and it is like I said quite dangerous and I don’t know why anyone would risk or jeopardize that their own energetic welfare for a temporary pleasure. Beyond that, the deck is stacked against you when it comes to casual sex, especially as a woman and that’s just speaking from a biochemical perspective. There’s a hormone that’s called oxytocin and it’s considered the cuddle hormone or the love hormone. And that’s the hormone that women that women express a lot of in their system when they have a newborn baby. And it really bonds the mother to their child. I’m sure if you’ve ever had a child, you know someone who has, you know, in those first moments, there’s a real strong bond established and that’s required for the healthy development of the child. That same oxytocin hormone is released in orgasm and what it does is it serves to bond us or develop an attachment to create trust and wanting and desire and affection for an attachment to the person that we’re having sexual relations with, even if we don’t like that person, and the effect is lasting. So even if the week later and you see that person, you’re hardwired to feel drawn to them attached to them, and desire them, even if you consciously know that that’s the wrong guy for you. So, the risk there far outweighs the benefits. And that leads me to my final reason that I’m really against casual sex and I actually believe casual sex is an oxymoron. Women often will say, any other women who are usually engaged in some casual sex relationship and hoping that it’s going to turn into something more thinking that it serves them somehow, they’ll say that it’s possible to have casual sex and not be harmed. And it’s possible for someone out there to eat a dozen donuts and not gain weight. That’s true. Yes, it’s possible. It’s not probable and I don’t know why you would try it. When you have very little to gain and very much to lose, you jeopardize your spiritual welfare. You know, the deck is stacked against you biochemically. And there’s just a possibility that you might not be damaged and the outside is however many minutes of pleasure you get. There That to me is not an intelligent decision. And it’s kind of like ignoring the truth, checking your common sense at the door and making a bad decision. So I hope that you’ll listen and do some research. Explore this for yourself, and be if you want someone to treat you special if your desire is to have a man who worships you adores you and regards you as something rare and precious, and just priceless. You have to treat yourself that way.”
Further discussion on this video from the Court of Atonement group:
Klee Darrow: Thank you Jackie N. Rioux for the post. She makes excellent points about bonding and loving and respecting one’s self as a female. Would be interesting to also have the male perspective as well, because I’ve always thought that things were never quite as casual as people would like to think.
Jackie N. Rioux True. Although I think men think differently, from her spiritual/ energetic perspective, I think this can apply to both? Men have feelings too, and can become attached, but not understand their own process of feelings that is addressed here.
Klee Darrow: Men might think different, but is it really energetically different? Some men have a lot of partners in life before, or if, they ever get married. Energetically it seems like they would be creating a harem of all the women they bonded energetically with while not making a conscious commitment. There are also women that have this same behavior pattern, it is not exclusive, but it is something to consider when clearing past relationship energies.
Jackie N. Rioux: Very much so. I think the societal views of stud vs shame between the sexes might also need to be considered as well.
Klee Darrow: Perhaps drafting and draining is a key component of this behavior? And yes, how society views the placement of pride vs. shame between the sexes deeply affects all of us. This pattern has been going on for thousands of years. Would be nice to evolve to a beneficial pattern of mutual appreciation and respect on a wider scale.
(Note: Drafting and draining refers to Energy Encasement Boundaries speed call in Court of Atonement).
Breaking up/ Divorce: If, after you have made all attempts to repair and heal a relationship, you find that your best choice is to dissolve and leave the relationship, know that you can heal on your own as well. I was told eons ago that divorce is worse than death because in death, you still have the love of the past loved one. In divorce, you have all the loss, grief, and separation with a whole lot more compounded on top of it.
Through divorce there is a heartbreaking process of separating everything that made you a couple. You may have lost yourself as well. You can heal though!
Remember that two broken individuals do not make a whole. You need to be 100% before being able to function in a healthy relationship or you will just repeat the dysfunctional patterns all over again with someone new.
Take time to really focus on and heal yourself. This will make all aspects of life so much better. Self love is Number One priority.
If you find yourself having to go through legal proceedings in your separation and divorce process, recite this court of atonement call:
“I, ____(your name)______, place myself, ____(your name)_____, into a full court of atonement for the purpose of “Enhancing and Protecting Marriage”. I ask to resolve all nonbeneficial energies and effects of divorce and separation.” I ask for Divine Intervention and I ask for Resolution of any and all Detrimental and Parasitic Attachments.
“I, ____(your name)___, place myself, ____(your name)_____, any and all persons involved with the process of this divorce and legal proceedings, including judges, lawyers, court staff into a full court of atonement for the purpose of aligning with
Divine Guidance, Divine Opportunities, Divine Truth, Divine Intelligence, Divine Wisdom, Divine Health, Divine Abundance, Divine Unconditional Love, Divine Timing, Divine Synchronicity, Divine Wealth, Divine Success, Divine Cleanliness, Divine Possibilities, Divine Maturity, Divine Inspiration, Divine Encouragement, Divine Discernment, Divine Alchemy, and Expecting Miracles.
I ask to resolve all nonbeneficial energies and effects of divorce and separation. I ask for a Most benevolent outcome for all concerned.
I ask for Divine Intervention and I ask for Resolution of any and all Detrimental and Parasitic Attachments.
If children or other family are involved or affected:
I, __ (your name) ___, place _ (their names) ____, into a Full Court of Atonement with her mother, _____, her father, _____, and her siblings, _____. I ask to analyze their timelines and resolve any and all conflicts between them at their points of origin.
I ask to resolve any and all detrimental beliefs these children/ family members have created because of their parents’ divorce. I ask for amenable dissolution of this energy. (Re-word as needed to accommodate all concerned).
Please see the Court of Atonement pages in this site, and Amy Jo’s Facebook group and website, as well as my free downable excel document for many more ideas to clear energy using court of atonement.
Take it easy on yourself and just know that sometimes, despite our best efforts, a relationship may not be in our best interest to continue. Sometimes people grow apart, and sometimes on a soul level their purpose in our lives has come to an end.
Trying to find a viable relationship:
“The fastest way to get what you are choosing is to make it be okay that you never get it.” still holds true.
In order to feel okay the way you are, you would have to drop the “Need, and want” out of the situation and both of those words repel what we think we are choosing.
Make the statement “I need a life partner” “I want a life partner” “I am in a wonderful space where I am but I am open and ready to receive a life partner.”
I, __________ place all my NEED to have a life partner into a Full Court of Atonement to be corrected at its point of origin.
I, __________ place all of my WANTING to have a life partner into A Full Court of Atonement to be corrected at its point of origin.
I ask to change all of this wanting and needing into being at peace with myself and my life exactly as it is.
I, ___________ place my heart, body, soul, conscious, subconscious, spirit and guides into a Full Court of Atonement for the purpose of creating alignment with the idea of having a life partner.
I bring in all my reasons to have a life partner and all of my reasons not to have a life partner. I ask to correct all of these issues at their point of origin. I ask to create alignment with having a life partner!
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The reason that we don’t have anything in our life that we are desiring is because a part of us does not want it.
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Often we blame the entire gender for past upsets. Clear those issues here:
I, ___________ recognize my own guilt in some of the exchanges that created my hatred toward women/men. And that my own hurt feelings and indignation caused me to put the blame on the gender instead of on the Woman/ man himself. I retract all my statements against women/ men and hold only those who are guilty to blame instead of the gender.
Try reading it again and make a stronger demand that the energy be healed around women/men!
I, _______ place myself and the entirety of my family in a full court of Atonement for the purpose of correcting any and all issues that surround HATING WOMEN/ MEN! I ask to go back through my life and the lifetimes of my family and correct all unhealed issues with women/ men!
Some words of wisdom on the topic of relationships:
Your intimate partner is a massive decision in your life.
Make sure you are with someone who:
• Brings you Peace vs. Problems
• Is Joyful when You Win vs. Jealous
• Pushes you to Grow vs. Pulls you Down
• Takes Responsibility vs. Blames you for Everything
Saying “hey, I’m not ignoring you, I just don’t have the energy to talk right now” is much healthier for relationships rather than just ignoring a message.
Look for someone who is keen on personal growth and self improvement rather than avoiding someone broken. What we resist persists.
If you are living your life to make someone else happy… that is a very dishonest relationship.
Men, you can never speak too often or too lovingly about your bride.
Doing so honors her and removes any question of your devotion.
Make it obvious that you love your bride wholeheartedly!
I will speak often and lovingly of my wife. This is the best adultery repellent known to man. Michael Hyatt
With regards to a traumatic past, the “Independent Woman Syndrome”: A woman will stay in her masculine energy until a man makes her feel safe to be comfortable in her feminine energy. Her masculine energy is a defense mechanism, it’s something she does to protect herself from all of the trauma she’s been through. It comes from constantly being hurt and let down by the people she’s loved. She always has had to defend and protect herself. She is independent, she doesn’t have anyone to fall back on and refuses to waste her time on men who just keep taking from her. Until a man can prove he is a provider and a safe place for her to be feminine, don’t expect her energy to change.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Kahlil Gibran
Many times, you can save a relationship by having a conversation. Swallow your pride. Communication kills assumption.
What you don’t heal in your singleness, will spread like a disease in your togetherness.
Give yourself time to heal. Don’t expect the next person to be a band aid for what the last person did.
Understand the value of a woman who prays for you.
Pride will have you missing out on something special.
Relationships take work. If you don’t like the job requirements, don’t even bother applying for a position.
It only takes a few seconds to hurt someone. But sometimes it takes years to repair the damage. Cherish the hearts that love you.
Walls keep everybody out. Boundaries teach people where the door is.
I think there comes a time when you meet someone and you just want to make them smile for the rest of your life.
The right attention from the wrong person during a lonely time can fool you into thinking they may be the one.
You will always find love draining if you date people you have to raise.
Watching someone you love evolve is like heaven in motion.
The most magnetic and attractive people are the ones who are honoring themselves and trusting the flow of life.
Being a good woman will not be appreciated by a man with bad intentions.
If they say they don’t want a relationship right now, that’s not an invitation to sit in their waiting room.
Relationships take work. If you don’t like the job requirements, then don’t even bother applying for a position.
“There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words and still not understand you. And there are others who will understand without you even speaking a word.” Yasmin Mogahed
It’s like wi-fi or cell phones or radios … when “tuned” to the correct frequency, we can send and/or receive.
The hardest-learned lesson: that people have only their kind of love to give, not our kind. Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960
As we heal the chaos within ourselves, our world becomes more peaceful. Our reality is a reflection of everything inside of us and all that still needs to be healed.
I always say, never sleep with someone you wouldn’t want to be. -Lisa Chase Patterson
The Mind Unleashed: Pay attention to whom you share your intimate energy with. Intimacy at this level intertwines your aural energy with the aural energy of the other person. These powerful connections, regardless of how insignificant you think they are, leave spiritual debris, particularly within people who do not practice any type of cleansing, physical, emotional or otherwise. The more you interact intimately with someone, the deeper the connection and the more of their aura is intertwined with yours. Imagine the confused aura of someone who sleeps with multiple people and carries around these multiple energies? What they may not realize is that others can feel that energy which can repel positive energy and attract negative energy into your life.
Pamela Jones: My mentor/teacher taught me about this and cording a few years ago, it was quite eye opening
Jackie N. Rioux: I have mentioned several times the book Secret Survivors by Sue E Blume which details the after effects of sexual abuse in children. Obviously, this is an area that resonates with me with my own experiences and I am thankful that with energy work, particularly EC I have now let go of that past yet I am able to help others also overcome these traumas…
Mary Woodthorpe: Thank you, Jackie, for sharing this very important and usually swept under the carpet topic. I concur wholeheartedly, adding that the early sexualization of children is all built into this to deliberately confuse and degrade our values and society as a whole.
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A friend was getting married and asked for advice. The following is what I shared. I’ve been divorced twice. Didn’t follow #1, and learned the rest too late:
#1 Marry your best friend, and for the right reasons.
If you marry in puppy love, you’ll lead a dog’s life.
There WILL be a time when you think “What the heck have I done?”. That is when you learn true commitment, and that lust, convenience or ‘social obligations’ wont necessarily last.
God, family, career — in that order! Mary Kay Ash
Romance needs to be rekindled constantly. Always remember the reasons you fell in love in the first place.
Honesty, Trust, Acceptance, Compromise, Respect, Honor, BALANCE… you need them all!! Money can be fleeting and undependable, you will need the basic virtues, not money, to get you through the low times.
Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty. You marry each other, not your families. You have each other to live out your fantasies with, within reason, but that is your business LOL! 🙂
Say “I love you” at least once a day, and mean it when you say it. You both need to hear it, always. But you also need to love yourself first before expecting someone else to.
Back in the Victorian era, people courted for at least a year before marriage. There were good reasons for that. Iron out the quirks a bit first. You will have the rest of your lives together, no need to rush anything 🙂
Love is not gazing at each other, but looking outward in the same direction.
Don’t go to bed mad. If you are mad and must speak, holds hands, look each other in the eye, THEN speak. Take a time out, when possible, but set a time to reconnect.
FORGIVE yourself, and your partner. Forgetting is hard to do, but at least deal with it and let it go. Blaming bitterness serve no one.
Take responsibility for YOUR OWN mistakes. Let go of guilt for anything else.
Communication!!! The most common reason for marital failure is lack of communication.
You may be married, but keep your individuality as well. Molding into each other too much only makes you take each other for granted. Opposites attract, but can also repel. Differences can be what keeps the spark alive.
Hugs and flowers fix most things. When you want to run, that is probably when she needs hugs the most. Respect each others space as well though. Hugs and flowers also make nice random surprises for no reason at all 🙂
You still need time with your guy friends. Keep a regular date with them as well as dates with your wife. Let her have girl time too 🙂
When kids come into the picture, try Mr. Mom for a FULL day once in a while.
Everyone will want to give you advice. Take what works for YOU, keep some for later reference. TOSS THE REST! Judgmental and bitter people do not give good advice 🙁
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It takes two to heal a relationship. Sometimes the relationship is no longer a safe place to be. I left a stagnant and emotionally abusive 10 year marriage and went through several years of family court hell because he resented me so much. We shared 4 children who suffered through the effects of a nasty divorce. Family Court shared the following bit of advice, which I have always cherished. Yes, I made poor choices in a marriage partner but that is not my children’s fault.
The best gifts you can give your children is a happy emotionally stable parent and knowing that divorce is not their fault at all. Take responsibility and accountability for your own words and actions. Your children need a mentally sound parent to guide them to be able to navigate their world growing up and to not repeat the dysfunctional relationship patterns. Heal yourself first!
“Minnesota Judge Has 200 Blunt Words for Divorcing Parents
By Judge Michael Haas, 2001:
“Your children have come into this world because of the two of you. Perhaps you made lousy choices as to whom you decided to be the other parent. If so, that is your problem and your fault.
“No matter what you think of the other party-or what your family thinks of the other party-these children are one-half of each of you. Remember that, because every time you tell your child what an ‘idiot’ his father is, or what a ‘fool’ his mother is, or how bad the absent parent is, or what terrible things that person has done, you are telling the child half of him is bad.
“That is an unforgivable thing to do to a child. That is not love. That is possession. If you do that to your children, you will destroy them as surely as if you had cut them into pieces because that what you are doing to their emotions.
“I sincerely hope that you do not do that to your children. Think more about your children and less about yourselves and make yours a selfless kind of love, not foolish or selfish, or your children will suffer.”
You’re a role model, and your children are watching you very, very closely. Showing your children that mom and dad can respect each other and resolve conflict respectfully will give them a good foundation for the conflict that arises in their own lives. Demonstrating respect involves a lot of non-verbal communication. Do your best to remain relaxed and focused, use a calm tone of voice and a concerned facial expression when tensions rise.
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Absolutely LOVE this, and it goes both ways!!
Wild Woman Sisterhood
A MESSAGE FOR MEN…
I get a lot of random messages on here from strange men asking what turns me on.
So, I thought I might just put it out there because I think I speak for a lot of women on this and I’m here to help.
Do you want to know what turns me on? What makes me burn for you?
What makes us breathless? What awakens every passionate instinct and unwraps every layer of fiery feminine sensuality?
Go to freaking therapy.
Do your inner work.
Heal yourself.
Lead yourself.
Be brave enough to get uncomfortable for the sake of wholeness and depth.
Be willing to build your emotional muscle so your arms are strong enough to hold the fire of an awakened woman.
Be open enough to lean into a level of depth you’ve never experienced.
Talk.
Be humble enough to admit that you don’t know everything.
Go deep.
Get real.
Stop hiding behind surface-level sex.
Evolve.
Confront what you need to confront so you can move forward without the shadow of your past.
Stop thinking that vulnerability is weakness. It takes a GIANT of a wild man to get vulnerable and it’s HOT.
Stop running from magic when it’s exactly what you need.
Stop telling yourself she’s too much when the reality is you’re just afraid to be enough.
Lead yourself so you can lead ME.
Believe that you can handle it. Act accordingly.
Be the safe space. The strong ground. The calm for her storm.
Do this and you’ll find your Goddess. Do this and you’ll be taken to a place of wholeness and ecstasy you didn’t know existed and likely wouldn’t have found on your own.
Do this… and you’ll be home.
P.S. Sisters -do the same or stop complaining.
Author: Gina Caruso Hussar