Online Safety: Relationships
These are some things I learned the hard way after my internet romance experience: https://ladybugwellness.ca/my-internet-nightmare/
* The absolute number one thing to remember is to listen to your gut instincts!! If anything makes you uneasy or makes you question your judgment, find out why before going ahead with your plans!! Everything in my experience here I should have known, I should have seen, yet he always had ‘logical’ answers for my questions and I could also find simple excuses to explain things I questioned. Yet for so long something was making me uneasy.
* If you are interested in an internet romance. Make arrangements to meet first, and NOT at your own home. Make sure there is an ‘escape plan’ if things don’t go well. If he can not afford to make these arrangements, that should be a good sign there will be other trouble too. A promise of forth coming money won’t get you through NOW. He told me he could afford to come here, but ‘miraculously’ he was mugged before he got here and all his money was stolen. Do I believe that now?? Not likely! I have come to believe that poverty is a choice. I have met many people over the years who have been in dire straits, but with will power and determination, they have got themselves out of bad situations. If someone has only excuses for their lack of money, and that excuse plays on your heart strings, that also should be a warning.
* There is good reason for the old idea of waiting at least six months before marrying someone. You can only live a lie for so long before things start to unravel. Better to know that before doing the legal thing.
* Marrying someone from other country just so they can stay in the country and stay with you is NOT a good start to a lifetime together. Let them make arrangements with Immigration first to stay, then get married.
* Meet your in laws. No matter how bad they sound, you may find your impressions to be quite different. That could be a tip off to lies also. I wish I had left marriage until I could meet his parents. It would have saved a lot of grief and prevented me from marrying him. If someone has mainly bad things to say about their family or exes, it could be signs of unresolved issues and ties that could also affect a future relationship.
* I have never been one for random chat lines, and I am even more wary now of meeting someone through any kind of set up like this. It is way too easy for people to be someone else on the other end. I use my MSN to keep in touch with family and long-distance friends I have known personally.
* Check your personal settings on your chat program to see that your permission must be asked before adding to your list. This is the mistake I made recently and the reason my ex was able to add himself to my list. I couldn’t delete him until he took me off his list. I had previously deleted him and blocked him, but he was able to add himself again without this feature enabled.
* If you play on the computer, be knowledgeable enough to know how to recognize spy ware problems and know how to run spy ware cleaning programs etc. Delete temp web page files and cookies regularly. My ex had spy ware on my computer and was able to get passwords to my email and read everything in there, even though I changed my passwords regularly.
*This may not sound romantic, but in Canada you can go to any courthouse and use a public computer to search someone’s criminal record. This is public information. (Unfortunately, this doesn’t work for out of country). If you have any suspicions, this is a wise thing to do. I honestly believe that any respectable person wanting to be in your life romantically would not object to a search like this. Your past is what has built the person you are today and has shaped your morals. It is wise to find out if there is a history of violence or drugs or anything else detrimental. You owe it to your family and children to protect yourself. It is better to be upfront and honest about your past in case it may affect your future. I do also believe that there are many people who have a criminal past for things done in their crazy youth, and this should not be held against them if they are willing to prove themselves worthy and mature in pursuing a relationship in their later years.
Other suggestions:
* To avoid identity fraud, shred or incinerate any ‘garbage’ paper with your name, address, account number information.
* Do not leave debit / credit card slips anywhere that could potentially fall into someone else’s hands. Fraudulent criminals need only a minimum of information to screw up your life immensely!
* Protect your PIN!!
* Get organized! Know exactly what accounts you have and the details of such. Obtain current credit bureau information and know those details also, in case anything changes that you may not be aware of.
* Keep your most important personal information papers etc. in a security box/ safe.
These are mostly logical things to do to protect yourself. My best advice, though, is to find a book called “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. This book has invaluable information on recognizing your own intuition and some helpful hints on recognizing potential problem people around you. I hope this helps you avoid similar problems. There is nothing like finding another human being with a shared experience to put things in perspective! ~Jackie
News article that reiterates many of my above concerns and more:
Quesnel RCMP warning the public about romance scams
By Darin Bain
Wednesday, May. 18th, 2022
Is it true love, or is it a scam?
Quesnel RCMP Sergeant Clay Kronebusch is cautioning the public to be aware of romance scams when entering relationships online.
“Every year the RCMP receives reports of various online and telephone scams that see people cheated out of their hard-earned money. Romance scams are common among those scams.”
Kronebush says these scams involve individuals who use false romantic intentions toward a victim in order to gain their trust and affection for the sole purpose of getting the victim to send them money.
“Often the perpetrator will meet the victim online through social media or online dating sites and build a relationship over weeks, months, or even years. Typically, the perpetrator’s claim to be from another province, or even another country. They will eventually start asking for money for various things such as: funds to come visit, pay off debts, medical bills, customs or insurance fees to have property released at the border, family assistance and many other reasons.”
Kronebusch says the victims send them money, they will continue to ask for more, while making various excuses as to why they need the money.
He says they’ll often promise to meet the victims and then fail to show up, making excuses that they ran into problems and need more money.
Kronebusch says more and more people are going online to find friendship and relationships.
He says you should never send money to someone without first verifying who it is you’re communicating with.
Red flags to look for:
• When someone you haven’t met in person professes their love to you;
• If the person wants to quickly move to a private or different mode of communication (email, text, Whatsapp, Google Hangouts etc.);
• If they always have an excuse not to meet in person;
• If you receive poorly/oddly written messages, sometimes even addressing you by the wrong name;
• If the individual claims to live close to you but is working overseas;
• If they act distressed or angry to guilt you into sending money;
• If the individual discourages you from discussing them or their situation with your friends and family (attempting to isolate you from those who may be suspicious of the relationship).