Boundaries and Permissions
~~ Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously. Prentiss Hemphill ~~
“One of the most loving things you can do for another person is let them make their own mistakes, learn their own lessons and endure in the contrast of a life they don’t really want. People only really change when they’ve hit rock bottom – sometimes the most loving thing you can do for a person is to let them and be there to help pick up the pieces. Permanent change comes from within, no one can give it to you.” – Jackson Kiddard
Permissions is a touchy subject in most practitioner forums.
If you are the legal guardian of a minor child or dependent adult, yes of course, you can book an appointment for them.
However, I would be booked for months on end, for years to come, if I accepted every single request for working on a loved one just because someone meant well in wanting to help their loved one by asking me to intervene and do an energy balancing session as a third-party type session.
Let’s stop and discuss this, shall we?
Would you like one of your loved ones to ask a practitioner to step in to your energetic space and to take control in whatever they think is best for you? Probably not. This oversteps boundaries, permissions, ethics, and your loved one’s dignity. Seriously.
Let me know if your family doctor will allow you to have a surgical operation in place of your loved one. Doesn’t work, does it? It is a similar concept with energy healing techniques. It should be private with your practitioner. It is also a liability issue for ethical business practice.
“Well, my loved one gave me permission to do whatever I think is best to help them”. This is a rebuttal I hear a lot. Just because YOU have permission, does not give me permission to overstep their boundaries and intervene on your behalf. Also, for energy work to be most effective, a person should be an active participant in their own healing journey. If we try to do things on their behalf, we may have some permission from their higher self, but their conscious mind may veto any work done and that is their right to free will. It is just a waste of time and resources for myself and for you as well to intervene where it is not welcomed wholeheartedly. We cannot save someone who is not willing to take accountability for their own healing journey. Period.
Ethically, when we work with paying clients, yes, we definitely need permission to do Emotion Code/ Body Code energy clearing. The notes I provide do not make any sense to anyone except the person intended and these are still private notes.
In Reiki we are taught to ask permission because energy healing only goes where it is invited and welcomed anyway.
Let’s look at why you think it is so important to work on your loved one because they are hurting in some way, they are annoying you, or (gasp) they are TRIGGERING you!
Every person in your life’s path can teach you something about yourself, because every one of them are your mirrors. Every person that annoys you, makes you mad, or whatever reaction you may have, is showing you an unhealed part of yourself.
Yes, I know full well this is a hard concept to grasp when your life is in the middle of shambles with loved ones. I have been there myself.
You are welcome to encourage your loved one to book an appointment for themselves. I do work with a lot of family individuals as long as they respect each other’s boundaries in working with me. Please do not ask me to get in the middle of family rifts to mediate. Yes, I have had that happen. Just no. I will gladly work with individuals and you can sort out your own family drama. Quite often, each family member will raise their own vibration through energy healing and situations will dissipate on their own.
Knowing that others are our mirrors, it is best to work on ourselves FIRST. You’re welcome to book an appointment to work on yourself and your own issues with another person or event. Imbalances associated with your loved one may come up to clear the unhealed parts of yourself that are being triggered.
Laws of detachment:
Allow others to be who they are.
Allow yourself to be who you are.
Don’t force situations.
Solutions will emerge.
Uncertainty is reality.
Embrace it.
You can detach yourself and still hold space. Detachment is not uncaring, it is merely self preservation and self love so that you can focus on your own journey without being sidetracked by others.
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Many years ago, I showed up in tears at a counseling appointment. The guy I had been dating at the time was being a jerk and we got in a disagreement just before my appointment. Caught up in all that drama, I was crying when I arrived at my counseling session. I told my counselor “He did this —-, he got me upset, and he made me cry”.
My counselor kept asking “He did what?”.
Honestly, I was darn frustrated with this counselor asking “he did what?” when I clearly explained “he did this and caused me to cry”.
It took me a long time to realize just how emotionally and spiritually immature I was back then.
What this ‘jerk’ had done was an event, it was ME who assigned meaning to this event and to cry over the situation. No one can “make” me cry. It was my choice to cry over this event. (I also realized I had extremely poor boundaries in dating a guy that was so “unequally yoked”).
This counselor offered an analogy to explain his point: If someone throws a baseball at you, are you going to let it hit you, or are you going to catch it then decide how to respond with the ball in your hand?
Put another way, if someone gives you a gift. Do you have to accept it or can you give it back or throw it away? Most often we think we have to accept gifts, that we are guilted into accepting gifts. This is a disrespectful concept to yourself and to others.
What if the gift is being triggered to uncover your unhealed parts so you have the choice to heal them?
The gift may be anger, resentment, frustration, or a whole range of other emotions. When you can see it as a baseball or a gift, it is a bit easier to avoid having it knock you off kilter and to choose how to respond in a better way.
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For individual sessions, ethically, I need direct permission from adults or the guardians of minors. There is so much talk in our forums of permissions, it is a fine line but I do my best to accommodate where I can.
I have had a few cases where a husband, wife, or adult child has given me permission via video to do a session for them through talking to their assigned family member.
You telling me that I have their permission is not direct permission from them to me.
Please refrain from attempting to put me in this position because it will come out in the energy of the session if a parent or other loved one is interfering or otherwise being overbearing. This causes a multitude of issues. Work on yourself first and encourage loved ones to book in for themselves.
There are always some exceptions to the rules of permissions.
For my own family, I have taken liberties quite often in working on each of them and they are okay with this, often asking for my assistance. They do work with other practitioners on their own terms and with their own permissions.
I am well experienced in mothering with my own four kids and five grandkids. We always want what is best for them, but once adults, we really need to disconnect those entanglements so they can be their own person. There was a lot of martyrdom to work through in my own family line to get us to a healing point for our family, and I do find this dynamic with a lot of families.
The Sunday group is a way to add family and loved ones etc. to feel like we’re doing something for them and takes me out of the permissions equation as energy goes only where welcomed. Plus, there are no private notes here.
I do work with a lot of family members, but all separately so they can have their own privacy and sovereignty.
You are welcome to go through my website and take recommended courses as I have done and then to do your own energy healing for your family and loved ones. Take liberties yourself, just make sure you’re not being a spiritual bully.
As long as it is with the good intention of being “unattached to outcome” healing, then their higher self would most likely accept the healing.
It will either help and work, or do nothing. Again, just make sure you’re not being a spiritual bully in trying to change things out of your control. Trust your own intuition and guidance.
Yes, I know that is frustrating. My own family has some estranged members and some not aligned with energy healing. I have to consider that in working more on myself and my own triggers instead.
I had a horrible relationship with my father. I found out he was on his death bed when my sister asked me to do something. I did. I have no idea if it helped directly, but he did live two more years.
Raymon Grace often talks about his dowsing methods that if he can change the energy of a serial killer, he is not going to go up to them to ask permission, he’ll just do it. This is my view in working on community group issues like jails and court houses or persons who are a detriment to society. We’ll never know if anything we did had an effect on a person or a situation, but at least we can feel like we did something to assist bringing peace.
At a leadership conference, we did an exercise where we were paired with a stranger and had to disclose a personal story. We were told that there were tissues available, but the person telling the story must be the one to reach for the tissue, if needed. The person listening was instructed to not touch the storyteller, not to hand them a tissue, and not to attempt to console them by telling them, “It’s okay” or other trite statements. This exercise was to teach us about boundaries and respect for another person’s healing process. When we intervene, we often stunt their healing process.
We cannot help someone who does not want help. Period. We do not know someone else’s life journey, their experiences, their denied aspects, or their deep dark secrets. When we push too much or do too much for others, we are inadvertently encroaching on their dignity, their independence, their sovereignty, their life lessons, their chance at developing their own coping skills.
We may be enabling them to be dysfunctionally dependent. Martyrdom does not serve anyone. This is also called being a spiritual bully.
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What I find most effective in working with loved ones, is Court of Atonement. Since this is a soul level intervention, we can use Court of Atonement calls as much as we like, because this still respects the free will of all persons and works for the highest good of all concerned. But again, Amy Jo often talks about working on ourselves first, and not being a spiritual bully.
“One of the most loving things you can do for another person is let them make their own mistakes, learn their own lessons and endure in the contrast of a life they don’t really want. People only really change when they’ve hit rock bottom – sometimes the most loving thing you can do for a person is to let them and be there to help pick up the pieces. Permanent change comes from within, no one can give it to you.” – Jackson Kiddard
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From this shared post, we can see that working on ourselves is the best approach to improving the world around us:
How are we influencing those around us?
Dr. Hawkins was a psychiatrist, spiritual teacher and director of the Spiritual Research Institute here in the US. In 1994 he wrote the book “Power Versus Force.” In this book he presents “The Map of Consciousness” a chart of vibrational frequencies and their characteristics, which he derived using applied kinesiology on thousands of people over 20 years of research.
Here are the characteristics of some of the frequencies he found:
People who express emotions like anger, grief shame, and hate are vibrating at a frequency below 200 hertz (Hz). Courage comes in at 200 Hz. Love starts at 500 Hz. Enlightenment is 700 Hz and beyond
He also found that the higher frequencies had an exponential effect. Higher frequency people affect lower frequency people more powerfully than the other way around.
According to Hawkins:
One Person vibrating at a frequency of 300 Hz or above will counterbalance 90,000 people operating at 200 Hz or below!
One Person vibrating at a frequency of 500 Hz or above can counter balance, for the collective, three-quarters of a million people operating at 200 Hz and below!
One Person vibrating at a frequency of 700 Hz or above can counter balance, for the collective, 70 million people operating at 200 Hz and below!
You could be that one person.
This information off a delightful video put out by Astrologer Pam Gregory. If you would like to watch this video here is the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PbEsJGk8lI
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On the topic of Healthy Respectful Boundaries, I appreciate this offer from Teal Swan and you can get some free downloads here.
Do you ever find yourself:
𝙎𝙖𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙣𝙤 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣 𝙮𝙚𝙨, 𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙚𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣 𝙣𝙤? 𝙁𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙜𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙩𝙮 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤 𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙣𝙤?
𝘼𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙜𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙤𝙧 𝙫𝙖𝙡𝙪𝙚𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚?
𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪𝙥 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙖𝙮?
𝘼𝙙𝙤𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣’𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙛𝙨 𝙤𝙧 𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙨 𝙨𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙘𝙘𝙚𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙙?
𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪?
𝘼𝙘𝙘𝙚𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙝𝙮𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝙩𝙤𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙞𝙩?
𝘼𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙧𝙪𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙧 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙘𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙤𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣’𝙨 𝙞𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙤𝙧 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙨?
𝙂𝙞𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙘𝙚𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙨 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙛𝙪𝙡?
𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙞𝙣𝙫𝙤𝙡𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚’𝙨 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙢𝙨 𝙤𝙧 𝙙𝙞𝙛𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙪𝙡𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙨?
𝘼𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙤𝙧 𝙞𝙣 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚?
𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙙𝙚𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙨?
If you said YES to even one item above, then we’ve got to talk about Boundaries.
When we allow others to violate our boundaries, or when we violate our own boundaries, we are doing so by bulldozing ourselves and abandoning our own personal truth. Boundaries are simply a sense of self that defines you VS others.
This requires that we spend enough with ourselves to become aware of what our boundaries even are. We need to be able to feel safe enough to do this, without fear of consequences, or being “consumed” by the other people around us.
One way that you can find improvement right away is with my Free Healthy Boundaries Guided Meditation.
Tealswan.com/meditate
This meditation teaches you how to be present with the truth of how you feel, and cultivate a sense of self, even in the face of opposition.