My dear friend and “Big Sis” Ruth Warner is a talented wordsmith and poet. These are some selections of her writings she has shared on social media.

Mothers Poem
May 8 2022
By Ruth Warner
I write this poem for Mothers
Who gave all that they could
To aid the children in their care
To grow up as they should
To show them right from wrong
And catch them when they fall
To always be a friend
And waiver not at all
One never knows the value
Of your mother as a friend
Until that sad day comes
When her life is at an end
So if you can this Mothers Day
Please give your Mom a kiss
And let her know you love her
And that some day you’ll miss
Her smiles and her laughter
Her loving caring way
The lessons that she taught
The wisdom that will stay
You only have one Mother
To carry in your heart
And even when she’s gone
You’ll not be far apart
For you still have all the memories
You made while she was here
And she is always in your heart
Which makes her always near

Oct 5 2021
I Grieve
by Ruth Warner
I grieve for the race called humans
With their standards of what is right
When it comes to their golden idol
You can bet they’ll be willing to fight
Because of their greed and selfishness
Their promises they never keep
When compassion and loving kindness
Gets trampled beneath their feet
They figure they have a monopoly
And take every last crumb of bread
But he who has the most toys
Will still in the end just be dead.
Let this be a warning to those of you
Who treat people wrong on this plane
Cause the powers that be are not laughing
And you will yet suffer their pain

Regrets in Love by Ruth Warner

I sat by the window just waiting
When a thought crossed my mind and I knew
I wasn’t waiting for him
My thoughts were all about you

The guilt and the stress that this caused
Nearly drove me over the brink
I tried to convince myself
It was something I just couldn’t think

Then one day soon there after
You showed up outside my door
You had left your keys on the table
When you had been there before

While handing the keys through the portal
The look on your face was a sight
You leaned in the door and you kissed me
Then thanked me and said goodnight

I knew at that very moment
I wasn’t alone in my thought
You shared the same feelings I did
Although I felt I should not

My world turned black for four hours
I do not recall what was said
He gave me to you to look after
And you held me all night in your bed

He then took me home to my parents
And you came to visit me there
We talked for many hours
Till your plane flew away in the air

The pressure from him and my father
Was something I just couldn’t take
So I caved in to their wishes
And that was my biggest mistake

You came into my life unexpectedly
For a moment or two you were there
Then reality reared its head
And once again life for me was so bare

Silver Wings is the song I remember
It brings back my memories of you
The feelings of love and of caring
From someone who’s heart was so true

Off and on through the years I have wondered
Tried to find you to see how you are
But it seems life had other plans
And has held us apart from afar

Black Souls

The marks upon your soul are black
You put more there each day
You do not seem to give a whit
For those along the way

One day you will be sorry
That you did not make a friend
Cause justice comes to those who wait
When black souls meet their end
Ruth
Ruth Warner

Halloween

Halloween is growing near
And pretty soon we’re going to hear
The ghosts and goblins in the yard
And see them dressed in all their garb

They’ll call for treats, one or more
And ask for coins to give the poor
The children will have a lot of fun
From house to house on the run

And afterwards they’ll brag and boast
“Look here you guys, I got the most”
“With all the candy that we have here”
“We’ll be eating it until next year”

Then mother calls “It’s time for beds”
And off up the stairs go the sleep heads
To dream of what they’ll do next year
When Halloween is drawing near

March 10 2024
Meandering
When rain drops fall upon my head
And wonder shines from out my eyes
When someone loves me for whom I am
You’ll never see those dark grey skies
A caring heart is all I have
A tender touch when need is there
I’ll give it all just say the words
And let me know that you do care
To play this game of guessing
And wondering what you feel
To me it tells me nothing
Cause guessing just ain’t real
Words that flow on paper
Are locked within my heart
So if you want to see them
Just let the pages part
My words are my own treasure
To put upon this page
And though I will grow old
They’ll always cease to age
Meandering through the evening
With not a single care
Of what is going on
Outside my easy chair
By Ruth A Warner

January 8 2023
In honour of my granddaughter’s birthday Jan 9.
Leah Grace
You’re such a bunch of energy
From here to there you go
Your curiosity drives you on
To learn all there is to know
You thought that worm was weird
As it wiggled in your grip
So snug and gentle held
Within your finger tip
You like to see the animals
At auntie Teeta’s farm
The chickens and the lambs
Don’t seem to cause you harm
You’re mommy’s little protégé
You’re daddy’s precious one
You’re loved by all your family
And we’re so glad you’ve come
To share the time we have
And watch you grow up tall
Will be the greatest gift
That you can give us all
Be kind to all those that you meet
As you go along the way
For you never know if you will be
The light in their dark day
So live your life in wonder
May your heart be filled up too
With happiness and laughter
Show the world the real you
Written with love
by
Grama Ruth Warner

What If
You can have conversations with people you know
But none of them help they just get up and go
You can tell them you’re lonely or tell them you’re blue
That you’re looking for someone who once cared for you
You try not to think about life passing by
Or about why things happened that caused you to cry
Secure in the knowledge there’s a better door
Than this life we are living in a world that’s no more
What if reality was all in your mind
If you wanted to escape you could anytime
You could just go to sleep and everything’s changed
Like who you are with and what is your name
It’s sad when this world we live in by day
Is best left behind as you sleep it away
You feel empty inside and nobody cares
They give you lip service and are so unaware
When you feel like you’ve done everything that you can
When ambition is gone and you won’t form a plan
It’s easier to sit in your easy chair
Let the world go by and not give a care
Wrap up in your blanket
Turn on the TV
And just go to sleep
Forget reality
written by Ruth Warner
February 15 2024

Thought I’d share a little poetry…enjoy
December 26 2022
Dragon’s Yule
By Ruth Warner
Yule time was upon the earth
The snow did gently fall
It covered imperfections
As love does conquer all
The Dragon Lady and the Knight
Did wake on Christmas day
To share their love and harmony
As time did pass away
The joy that filled the Lady’s heart
In voice could not be said
And so she wrote from deep inside
The words the Knight now read
To have a love as grand as his
To share in his life’s dream
Would always mean the world to her
His love could make her beam
In sharing all the blessings
The Goddess does bestow
Her heart does sing in harmony
Though it may not often show
So harken to the words
Here written on this page
For love returned to you Sir Knight
Will last beyond this age
And when the ages cease to be
Our love continues on
To span the universe again
As surely as the dawn

January 27 2024
Freedom Wave 2022
by Ruth Warner
From the land of the Pacific
On B.C.’s Western shore
From ports both North and South
The engines they did roar
Across the Coastal Mountains
And the valleys far below
The tide was washing inland
A wave that all would know
It was cheered along the highways
Through the towns and cites fair
By the folks that knew the sight
Was something very rare
They crossed the Mighty Rockies
And to the foothills came
On into Wild Rose country
Alberta was its name
Building great momentum
The North and West were one
They headed South to Calgary
And so it was begun
From there they headed Eastward
To Saskatchewan they came
The nights were getting colder
But that didn’t slow their fame
They drove on through the Prairies
And Manitoba too
The common people fed them
Cause Hope they did renew
The great divide between us
Grew smaller on the way
And when they reached the Capital
They set up camp to stay
They fed the homeless people
And played some music too
Had bouncy castles for the kids
And tried to speak for you
But Trudeau would not talk
He ran and hid instead
And that was when I knew
That democracy was dead
He brought in special forces
To beat the people back
Some came upon their horses
And feelings they did lack
Woe unto those who stood
Against freedom that was lost
They will pay the price
And their soul will bare the cost
The Freedom Wave was turned back
Our Liberty not saved
But time will tell the tale
Next comes the Tidal Wave

Happy New Year
January 1 2023
Celebrate the Day
By Ruth Warner
May your day be filled with wonder
May your hearts content come true
May you dance among the flowers
And never more be blue
May your happiness run over
May your problems fly away
May you sing a cheerful tune
As you celebrate today
May your day continue onward
May your heart be ever light
May it shine away life’s sorrow
And keep you safe all night
May you wake again tomorrow
May happy dreams be real
May you always know true love
As a gift of love can heal

Wakey Wakey
The differences between us
Our thoughts are not the same
What I think is important
To you is just so lame
You’re satisfied to sit back
Upon your easy chair
And let the world go by
Without a single care
You’re wondering if I’m crazy
You’re wondering if I’m blue
Well let me answer your questions
So you will know what’s true
Have you never had a moment
When life has felt that way
That you were just so tired
You had to come out and say
The truth is really out there
So sad that you can’t see
You turn your back upon it
In your fake reality
It’s time for you to wake up
Come out of your cocoon
To realize that what you see
Is not a real moon
That the information fed us
Through our entire life
Is just a bunch of BS
Set down to cause us strife
To keep us all so busy
We’d not notice all along
Until it was too late
That our freedoms have all gone
You’re wondering if I’m thinking
That my whole life is through
The answer is quite simple
It isn’t me it’s you
Written by Ruth Warner – February 17, 2024

2021: I have gone through that folder and collected my favorites here to share with you. These writings are so reminiscent of my childhood upbringing, my grandma, and of course Elsie.

If you enjoy these writings, be sure to check out Helen’s website at http://www.occupytillicome.ca/

HIS SMALL ANGEL
By Helen Dowd

He looked in the mirror, repelled by the sight, a constant reminder of his last fire-fight. ‘Though he’d rescued a man, a dog, and a boy, his fame as a “hero” brought him little joy. For his wife had now left him for a more handsome man. She said, “Care of an invalid was not in my plan.”

As he stood there bemoaning his unhappy state, he was filled with self-pity, with anger and hate. His dreams for the future now turned upside down, he limped to the park, on his face a deep frown. As relief for his mind, he sat down to read. To the movement around him he paid little heed. Then out from a group of some children at play a ragged young girl approached, her head turned away. Standing close to his side, her eyes to the ground, she stretched out her arm and said, “Look what I found!” She held in her hand what looked like a weed, all wilted and brown, its flower gone to seed.

The man growled in answer, “Just leave me alone. Get on with your playing, or run along home.”

But the child was undaunted. “I picked these for you. They’re awfully pretty, and I think you are, too.”

The man was annoyed, for her eyes seemed to shift. He pushed her aside, refusing her gift. He thought that she mocked him, as others had done–the object of ridicule, the target for “fun”.

And then something happened. God opened his mind. A new look he took: the wee girl was blind! He reached out and touched her. He patted her head; then accepted her flowers, although they were dead.

His anger and hatred had started their melt. God’s love, through this child, he knew he had felt. The man turned to thank her, but she wasn’t there. She seemed to have vanished into the noon air. Although day after day to the park the man came, he never did see his small angel again.

But the child had awakened in him a desire to start a new life, to forget that last fire. He went to the hospital, where once he had been. He stood there and stared at familiar scenes. He watched the burn patients in their therapy. In some he saw anger, in some, agony. Remembering so vividly the pain he’d endured, he knew that the “inside” was the hardest to cure. From that moment on, he knew what he’d do. He’d help these folks heal. And his soul would heal, too.
© Helen Dowd

*************************************************
Each Day is Like A Butterfly

Each day is like a butterfly,
It’s never here to stay.
Its bright and cheery presence
Is bound to make your day.
So on this day remember,
and ponder what I say:
forget about your worries.
they, too, will pass away.

Just take some time to revel
in pleasantries enjoyed.
For one small fleeting moment
may you life’s trials avoid.
But like a fleeting butterfly
one’s life must move along.
The day’s a lovely memory
enjoyed, and then it’s gone.
Helen Dowd
*********************************************

OCCUPATION
May your mind be never idle.
May your tongue have on a bridle.
May your ears be tuned to listen for the good.
May you occupy your fingers
Doing kind deeds that will linger.
May your feet be brave to go where few feet would.
Helen Dowd

Don’t Count The Years
Don’t count the years … they go so fast;
Just count real friendships made … they last.
Then count the memories of the past.

Don’t count the years. Just think of days
That you have tried your best always …
That’s how a youthful spirit stays.

Don’t count the years. Just count good things
That you have done, that each day brings,
You’ve helped someone and your heart sings.

Don’t count the years now gone before …
Just look ahead, look through life’s door,
And count God’s blessings still in store.

***********************************************
The Flowers Cry Out
Helen Dowd
There are many types of flowers
That bloom in early spring,
Announcing that the winter’s gone.
What joy their presence brings.
First there are hardy snowdrops,
Shyly peeping through the snow.
They silently are whispering:
“Old Winter, you must go.”

Next pops up lovely crocuses.
They bravely show their face.
While winter snow’s still melting.
They now the landscape grace.

There are golden ones, and purple,
Mixed in with pink and blue.
Their brightness lifts the spirit.
They give us hope anew.

The grass, once brown and soggy,
Is turning Irish green.
Oh look! There are new flowers coming!
“Forget-me-not!” they scream.
Now all around, you’ll notice,
Other growing things.
All nature starts a’shouting:
“St Patrick’s Day! It’s spring!”

Oh look! Now yellow daffodils
Fill up the flowerbeds.
“Wake up! Wake up!” they’re saying.
It’s time to show our heads.
Rise up, you lazy violets.
Come on, you buds and blooms.
Burst forth and show your color.
It cannot be too soon!

Now watch in all the valleys,
And down around the streams.
It’s like a resurrection.
For everything’s Irish green..
Just hear the frogs all croaking.
They’re happy spring is here.
All nature sings in harmony.
The springtime brings such cheer.

*****************************************
When sorrow nearly breaks your heart,
When you feel lost and alone,
When trouble hurts too much to share–
It’s yours, and yours alone.
Amid your fears, your pains and woes,
How good to feel God cares, God knows!
**************************************************

WHAT ARE YOU HANGING ON TO?

The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

“Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?” Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl’s upturned face.

“A dollar ninety-five. That’s almost $2.00. If you really want them, I’ll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday’s only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma.”

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. James if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace. Jenny loved her pearls.

They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere – Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, “Do you love me?”

“Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you.” “Then give me your pearls.” “Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess – the white horse from my collection – the one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She’s my favorite.”

“That’s okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night.” And he brushed her cheek with a kiss. About a week later, after the story time, Jenny’s daddy asked again, “Do you love me?”

“Daddy, you know I love you.”

“Then give me your pearls.”

“Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper.”

“That’s okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you.”

And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss. A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. “What is it, Jenny? What’s the matter?”

Jenny didn’t say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, “Here, Daddy. It’s for you.”

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny’s kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.

Jenny’s father is like our heavenly Father. He also is waiting for us to give up our dime store stuff and seek Him first … so He can fling open the windows of Heaven and pour us out such a blessing that we will not have room enough to hold it.

What are you hanging on to?

*********************************************************

FORGIVENESS

Corrie Ten Boom shares this true story in her book, “The Hiding Place”…

It was a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck.

He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there — the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie’s pain-blanched face.

He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. “How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein,” he said. “To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!”

His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.

Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him.

I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.

As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.

And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.

Corrie Ten Boom
“The Hiding Place”
www.corrietenboom.com

***************************************************

Soaring
I’m just like a bird
Flying high in the sky:
My soul’s not in bondage,
So neither am I.
‘Though walls may enclose me,
I’ll always be free,
For my God is with me,
And he holds the key.

Each day in the morning
I rise up to pray.
I ask God in heaven
For grace for this day.
I know He will help me
Stay free in my heart,
No matter what hardships
This day may impart.
Helen Dowd

*********************************************
Where Eagles Fly
By Helen E. Payne Spencer, Cherokee

The coolness of the mountains
And the deepness of the sea,
The blueness of the sky,
The eagles fly – they do not flee.
The long amber grasses

Floating in the breeze,
The smell of sweet flowers
Are just thoughts inside of me.

Where people never venture,
That’s where eagles fly.
On top of purple mountains
You can hear their shrieking cry.

In the mountains are their nests
Hidden from the prey.
They won’t be fools or victims
Or fall along the way.

They fight for life,
These large, strong birds.
They won’t let it pass them by.
Examples in our life should be
To fly where eagles fly.
*********************************************

BIBLE STUDY: What In The World Is Going On?

What In The World Is Going On?
Helen Dowd

The complaint: “Oh Lord, I speak on behalf of the many righteous people in the nation. We cry out to You: Don’t you see all the violence going on in our land? All the robberies, the looting, the embezzlement, the immorality? Don’t you care that there is constant battling among the people? Don’t you care that the innocent and the little ones are suffering? There is no justice. The law is powerless. The righteous are surrounded by the wicked. Judgment is perverse. Aren’t You going to do anything about it?”

God’s answer: “Oh yes, I do intend to do something about it. Just watch. You will be amazed. I am going to do something that you won’t believe. I have raised up an incredibly wicked and violent nation, to sweep across the whole world to seize places that they do not own. These people are hated and feared. They make their own laws. They are infamous. They use swift weapons. They are like vultures, swooping down to devour. They are determined to destroy. They capture innocent people. They laugh at the rulers of the world. Their work is swift. They go on and on. They are wanted, arrogant men who boast about, and worship, their own strength.”

The protest: “But God, you are eternal, omnipotent, omniscient. Why are You going to use a nation more wicked than ours to punish us? Surely you would not allow this to happen. How could You! But, I guess You have. But since Your eyes are too pure to look on evil, why have You chosen a nation more evil than ours? In fact, there is not a more wicked nation in all the earth than the one You have chosen to punish us? You are so pure, how can You tolerate this wrong, this treachery? Why do You stay silent, while these wicked people destroy the righteous? They have made us like flapping fish out of water. We have no defense. We are dragged up, helpless, into their nets. Our captors laugh, while they gorge themselves on their prey. They carry on, destroying the nations without any mercy…

“Now I will wait to hear what You have to say, Lord. I am expecting an answer. I have my notepad all ready. Speak to me.”

God’s reply: “All right. You write this down. I will tell you in plain words so that everyone may know what I plan to do. And then you go and tell it to My people. You may think that my decision to use an extremely wicked nation to punish My people is unjust. Well, you just wait. The judgment on that nation is yet to come. You may think it is taking a long time. But I say to you, ‘Judgment on those who become wealthy on the looting and plundering of others, who build up cities by shedding blood; who establishes towns by committing crimes. Watch out. Your day is coming, and when it comes, it will be swift and final.’

“But as for you who are just, you must live by your faith. Don’t despair. The Lord is still on the throne. Eventually, all the earth will be silenced by Him.”

The Triumph: “Oh Lord. I am awestruck! I am ashamed that I questioned You. I remember all the times in the past when You have delivered Your people. I remember Your wrath at the nations, Your mercy to Your people. But keep reminding me. I remember the times Your glory spread across the heavens. You gave us the rainbow as a promise during one of those times. You parted the waters and delivered Your people; then You drowned a wicked nation who was pursuing. You made the sun stand still while You fought a battle for Your people. You defeated a wicked nation. You rampaged through the nations while you came out to rescue Your people…

“Yes, Lord, I remember those times. I will wait patiently for the day You destroy the enemy for the last time. It may seem right now that things are terrible. Jobs are diminishing; there is drought in many places, causing crops to fail. Trees are dying because of insect infestation; cattle and fowl are being destroyed because of disease. But in all of this, I will praise you. You are my Lord and my strength. Though I feel weak and frightened, I will run like a deer, and jump like an impala. In all this, I will sing praises to the Most High God.”

My conclusion: What did you think? Did you think I made all this up? I didn’t. Read a similar version for yourself. I have quoted just a portion, but read the whole book. Habakkuk is a book of the Bible that a lot of people do not pay much attention to. At least I never have. But I read it recently. Yes, the whole book. It is only three chapters. I was amazed at what I read. It was like reading today’s newspapers.
Habakkuk 3:17, 18
“O Lord, how long shall I cry. And You will not hear? Even cry out to You. “Violence!” And You will not save. Why do You show me iniquity, and cause me to see trouble? For plundering and violence are before me: there is strife, and contention arises. Therefore the law is powerless, and justice never goes forth. For the wicked surround the righteous: therefore perverse judgment proceeds.”

Habakkuk was a prophet during the time when the nation of Judah was nearing its end, possibly during the reign of King Jehoiakim, 609–597 B.C. King Jehoiakim was a godless king. He led Judah down a destructive path. Habakkuk called to the people of Judah continually, to repent, but their sins kept piling up. They repeatedly ignored the prophet’s warning.

***************************
Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor the fruit be on the vines;
Though the flocks and herds be cut off from their own fold,
Yet still will I rejoice in the Lord of my salvation.
I will put my trust in Him. He is Divine.
© Helen Dowd

***************************
The Potter
Based on Isaiah 45
Helen Dowd
Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker!
Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say
to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou? or thy work, He hath no hands?
Woe unto him that saith unto his father, What begettest thou?
or to the woman, What hast thou brought forth?

Do you ever stop to question the real reason you’re on earth?
Do you wonder why it is that you were born?
Do you feel you’ve been a failure, and your life has little worth?
Do you view yourself with ridicule and scorn?

Do you look around at others, wishing you could be like them,
When you see the mark in life they seem to make?
Then you gaze into the mirror, and that fellow you condemn;
And you say, “Oh God, You’ve made a grave mistake.”

But remember, God’s the Potter. You are just a lump of clay.
You must never question what He has in mind.
He has formed the earth, the heavens, and the night, as well as day.
He’s created living things of every kind.

Whether you be dull or brilliant–a workman, king, or maid–
Whether you be plain or handsome, short of tall,
It is still the Potter’s doing: He has formed you without aid.
It is God who holds the pattern for us all.

He has made you for a purpose, and He’s called you by your name.
He has formed you by the will of His own hand.
So just look up to your Maker as His greatness you proclaim:
HE’S THE ONLY GOD THERE IS IN ALL THE LAND.
© Helen Dowd
*******************************************

When we become Christians we can say “Our Father,” for those who receive Christ have the right to become children of God (John 1:12). So then we can look to God as our Father. We are to put our trust in Him in the close, intimate companionship of father and child. We can have a personal sense of His love for us and His interest in us, for He is concerned about us as a father is concerned for His children.

WHO IS YOUR DADDY?

A seminary professor was vacationing with his wife in Gatlinburg, TN. One morning, they were eating breakfast at a little restaurant, hoping to enjoy a quiet, family meal. While they were waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting with the guests.
The professor leaned over and whispered to his wife, “I hope he doesn’t come over here.” But sure enough, the man did come over to their table.
“Where are you folks from?” he asked in a friendly voice.
“Oklahoma,” they answered.
“Great to have you here in Tennessee” the stranger said. “What do you do for a living?”
“I teach at a seminary,” he replied.
“Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach, do you? Well, I’ve got a really great story for you.” And with that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with the couple.
The professor groaned and thought to himself, “Great… Just what I need another preacher story!”
The man started, “See that mountain over there? (pointing out the restaurant window). Not far from the base of that mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother. He had a hard time growing up, because every place he went, he was always asked the same question, ‘Hey boy, who’s your daddy?
“Whether he was at school, in the grocery store or drug store, people would ask the same question, ‘Who’s your daddy?’ He would hide at recess and lunch time from other students. He would avoid going in to stores because that question hurt him so bad.
“When he was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. He would always go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, ‘Who’s your daddy?’.
But one day, the new preacher said the benediction so fast he got caught and had to walk out with the crowd. Just about the time he got to the back door, the new preacher, not knowing anything about him, put his hand on his shoulder and asked him, ‘Son, who’s your daddy?’
“The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye in the church looking at him. Now everyone would finally know the answer to the question, “Who’s your daddy’.
This new preacher, though, sensed the situation around him and using discernment that only the Holy Spirit could give, said the following to that scared little boy… “Wait a minute!” he said, “I know who you are, I see the family resemblance now. You are a child of God.” With that he patted the boy on his shoulder, and said, “Boy, you’ve got a great inheritance, go and claim it.” With that, the boy smiled for the first time in a long time and walked out the door a changed person.
He was never the same again. Whenever anybody asked him, ‘Who’s your Daddy?’ he’d just tell them, “I’m a Child of God”
The distinguished gentleman got up from the table and said, “Isn’t that a great story?”. The professor responded that it really was a great story!
As the man turned to leave, he said, “You know, if that new preacher hadn’t told me that I was one of God’s children, I probably never would have amounted to anything!” And he walked away.
The seminary professor and his wife were stunned. He called the waitress over and asked her, “Do you know who that man was who just left that was sitting at our table?”
The waitress grinned and said, “Of course, everybody here knows him. That’s Ben Hooper. He’s the former governor of Tennessee!”

***************************

A WORD WITH YOU
about Easter Eggs
By Ron Hutchcraft

It’s a true story, courtesy of Ida Mae Kempel. The names have been changed. Jeremy was 12 years old but he was only in the second grade, seemingly unable to learn. His body was twisted… his mind was slow… and his teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with his squirming and his grunting noises. But at other times, he spoke pretty clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness in his brain. No one could have guessed that Jeremy would end up teaching his whole class — and his teacher.
Well, I’m Ron Hutchcraft, and I want to have A Word With You today about “Easter Eggs.”
Doris Miller finally became so exasperated with Jeremy that she asked his parents to come to St. Theresa’s for a consultation. When she explained that it would be better for Jeremy and the other students if he were in a special school, his mother begged for Jeremy to stay where he felt safe.
After they left, the teacher struggled with what to do. She wanted to sympathize with the parents — after all, their only child had a terminal illness. But what about the other students? Well, God did something in her heart that day. She ended up praying for the patience to be what Jeremy needed. From that day on, she tried to ignore his noises and blank stares. One day he limped up to her desk, dragging his bad leg behind him. And out loud, Jeremy exclaimed, “I love you, Miss Miller!” The other students snickered and she was a little embarrassed.
As Easter approached, Doris told her students the story of Jesus, and she emphasized the idea of new life. Then she gave each child a large plastic egg and assigned them to bring it back the next day with something inside the egg that showed new life. The children were all excited — except for Jeremy. Doris saw no signs that he understood. She was going to call his parents that night to explain the assignment — she forgot.
The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in this large wicker basket on Miss Miller’s desk. Then came the time to open their eggs. One had a flower in her egg, another a plastic butterfly, still another had a rock with moss on it – all symbols of new life. When Doris opened the fourth egg, she just quietly gasped. The egg was empty! It must be Jeremy’s. She was going to quickly set it aside when Jeremy suddenly spoke up. “Miss Miller, aren’t you going to talk about my egg?” Doris said, “But your egg is empty, Jeremy!” He looked into her eyes and said softly, “Yes, but Jesus’ tomb was empty, too! Jesus was killed, but His Father raised Him up!” The recess bell rang… the children ran out to play… and a teacher cried.
Three months later, Jeremy died. Those who paid their respects at the funeral home were surprised by what they saw there. On top of Jeremy’s casket, there were 19 eggs – all of them empty.

****************************************************

This message from The Daily Encourager was a blessing and an encouragement to me. In childhood I was like Eric Plumb, whose teacher bombarded him with “Eric Plumb is Plain Dumb.” He overcame this remark with an encouraging word from someone else. Words thrown at me in my childhood by teachers often plagued me, too.
But I overcame them. And so can you. Read this poem of mine: MY word of encouragement to you….Helen

When The World Is Turned Against You

When the world is turned against you,
And you think there’s none to care;
When it seems you’re all alone, and feeling blue;
Keep your eyes upon the Shepherd.
You will find Him standing there.
He is waiting: He has always been with you.

When the devil comes to tempt you,
Or he’s caught you in sin’s snare;
When he says that he will never let you go;
Then just turn your back on Satan,
Simply leave him standing there.
The Shepherd waits: He’ll snatch you from your foe.

When you feel your life is hopeless,
Filled with trials and with care;
When you’re burdened down with problems and with stress;
Then just look up to the Shepherd,
Let Him your burdens bear.
He is waiting: He will give you happiness.

© Helen Dowd

**********************************************
Sometimes It Takes A Dream

Isaiah 44:22 – “I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins:”
Isaiah 1:18 –– “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
Sometimes it takes a vivid dream to help us see reality. It did for me, not long ago. I had had a bad day, and was extremely tired when I went to bed.
As a child I was plagued with nightmares. They were always the same. I was brought up in a very godly home. My mother was a gentle woman. Her actions, rather than a lot of words, shouted her Christianity. My father, on the other hand, drilled into his children what would happen if we did not follow the Lord. In other words, he was a “hellfire preacher” to us children. We always had prayer before going to bed. And time and time again I would wake up trembling, and in a cold sweat. I dreamed that Jesus had come, and I was left…Even after I had given my heart to the Lord, at the age of eight, I had these nightmares. I would stand at the top of the stairs, afraid to go down, in case my parents had “gone up to heaven”, and I had been left. On a few occasions I got the nerve up to call out to Dad. He always came. We would kneel by my bed and he would ask God to take my nightmare away. Then I would go to sleep, reassured that I was still a child of God.
When I became an adult those nightmares faded out. But on this occasion I woke up in the same old cold sweat. It was then that God gave me the same old assurance that I was still a child of God.

This poem was born as a result of this recent experience.
I had a dream last night.
I stood before the throne.
And on a great wide T.V. screen
My whole life there was shown.
My name was in plain view.
To ALL, God made me known.
I saw before my very eyes
The wicked seeds I’d sown.

I hung my head in shame.
I didn’t like this show.
I saw there all the hidden things
I thought folks didn’t know:
The private, secret thoughts,
Deceits from long ago,
The mean and selfish things I’d done.
The list began to grow.
But then the picture changed.
And on the T.V. screen
I saw Christ walking toward the Throne:
He’d come to intervene.
When God called out my name
I saw Christ step between.
I heard Him say, “I’ve paid the price.”
He’d wiped the record clean.
And now another scene:
The screen was filled with light.
Again my name was written there.
But Christ had set things right.
I stood before the Throne,
Pure in a robe of white.
A lasting memory will remain
Of the dream I had that night.
© Helen Dowd
*************************

Oh God, in Thee I’m trusting,
Trusting in Your Word.
You’ve promised to be near me,
To be my Shield and Guard.

I know that You will keep me
Safe, in Your strong arms.
You’ll shelter and protect me
From danger, and from harm.

So as I journey onward,
With Your hand holding mine,
‘Though life may bring its sorrows,
You’re with me all the time.

Don’t forget, as your walk through life, that Jesus is holding your hand.
© Helen Dowd

**********************************
If I Can Do It, So Can You
Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.”

When I started school, I did not know what was expected of me, so I would sit at my desk and cry, or chew on a pencil, an eraser, a ruler, or a crayon. I was what someone once called a “crayon eater.” In other words, I began school not “understanding the rules.”

But whose rules? Do you need rules to become an artist, a musician, a writer?

On my first day of school, not understanding what the teacher expected of me, I just cried, and ate the chalk. Then, as I proceeded to the higher grades, I still did not understand what it was that my “betters” required of me… In the second grade the teacher shook me because I didn’t understand how to add. Well, let me tell you, Mrs. White, since becoming an adult, I have worked as a bookkeeper; and even now, as a senior, I do people’s income tax…. In the fourth grade I was told I read too slowly. Too slowly for what? Did it matter Mrs. Robinson? I still can tell you exactly what grade I was in, and where I was sitting in class, when a certain piece of knowledge entered my brain. Slow to get there? Perhaps, but the knowledge was permanent.

It was in the seventh grade that the teacher told me I gave up too easily, and would never amount to anything. Thanks Mr. McKenzie! But because of a supportive husband, who will never let me give up, I have been able to prove you wrong…My grade eight teacher flung my book across the floor, after reading one of my GOOD stories, telling me that I must have cheated. That couldn’t have been MY story. I wasn’t bright enough to compose anything that intelligent. Well, Mrs. Jordan. If you were living, and I could find you, I would tell you that you were wrong. I have not only composed many stories, but I have written a book, and I write poetry on a regular basis.

In the tenth grade my typing teacher told me I would never make a typist. Wrong again. Not only have I worked as a secretary, I am typing now. Where are you, Mrs. Yand? In heaven, I hope.

I could go on, but the point of this essay is not to tell the world about my accomplishments: they are few. It is to encourage anyone reading this that YOU CAN DO IT. Don’t let anyone discourage you from fulfilling your dreams.

If I CAN DO IT, So Can You!
When life throw its daggers and arrows your way,
Never stagger, nor falter, nor weakness display.
Stand up to your foe. Look him straight in the face.
Don’t let problems beat you, nor cause you disgrace.
It’s YOUR life to rule, so YOU take control.
Keep your eyes straight ahead. Don’t lose sight of your goal.

Psalm 123:1 – “Unto thee lift I up mine eyes. O thou that dwellest in the heavens.”
© Helen Dowd
*******************************
When The World Is Turned Against You

When the world is turned against you,
And you think there’s none to care;
When it seems you’re all alone, and feeling blue;
Keep your eyes upon the Shepherd.
You will find Him standing there.
He is waiting: He has always been with you.

When the devil comes to tempt you,
Or he’s caught you in sin’s snare;
When he says that he will never let you go;
Then just turn your back on Satan,
Simply leave him standing there.
The Shepherd waits: He’ll snatch you from your foe.

When you feel your life is hopeless,
Filled with trials and with care;
When you’re burdened down with problems and with stress;
Then just look up to the Shepherd,
Let Him your burdens bear.
He is waiting: He will give you happiness.
© Helen Dowd
*************************

If Only!
by Helen Dowd
If only I could see! If only I could walk, could hear, could enjoy life as others do! If only I could get rid of my disability! If only! If only!

I had a blind friend who expressed to me his desire for sight. He said to me: “I wonder if by putting my faith in God’s hands I might be able to walk without a cane or my guide dog.”
That would be wonderful. And we all have disabilities of one sort or another that we would desire to be free of. And of course, God can and does perform miracles, but on the other hand, He also gives us ailments for a purpose. Even the great Paul, the apostle had a “thorn in the flesh” which he asked God to take away. But God didn’t. He just helped Paul become more dependent on Him because of his weakness, what ever it was. Some people think that Paul’s ailment was an eye problem. The reason they think that is that he had to have someone else write some of his letters. However, what ever it was, I believe God didn’t deliver him from it so that he could be an encouragement to millions down through the ages that have disabilities.
Yes, all things are possible. God can heal us from our disabilities. But what is more important is, He wants us to rely on His love for us to guide us through things. Christ calmed the waters when there was a storm. He could have made it so that there wasn’t a storm in the first place, but He didn’t. He allowed the storm so that He could teach His disciples that He was with them in the storm…And God is with you in your disability, whether it is blindness, deafness, being lame or without useable limbs, or whatever it is. He will always be with you. Although we cannot know why at this time, we will some day know why God allows sickness and disabilities.
I have known a few blind people. Some were great blessings. I knew one woman who lost her sight about 12 years before she died–at nearly 90. Instead of being bitter about it, or moaning the fact that she could no longer see, she SAW things that those of us with eyesight could not. She saw the thoughts of God, as we could not. She saw God’s beauty. She saw the message as she listened to Billy Graham, or other of God’s great servants. She gave off the light of the Lord and she was a blessing to all those around her in the nursing home. And I remember one woman who had never walked, nor talked in all of her forty-five years; yet, she had a constant smile on her face and she would reach out and grasp your hand as you passed by, on your way out of church.
So, despite a physical disability that you may be suffering, you can be a blessing to many. Let God’s light shine from your soul.
May God bless you.
****************************

Thank You, Lord, For Life.
Helen Dowd
Does it often make you angry when the morning alarm clock rings?
If it does, then just remember: What joy your hearing brings!
There are many who are deaf.
Do you close your eyes in the morning, shutting out the daytime light?
If that’s so, then be reminded: Thank God you have your sight!
There are many who are blind.
Do you hug your bed in the morning, pulling the blankets up over your head?
Well, listen to the voice inside you: “You at least can get out of bed!”
There are many who are bedridden.
When your day starts out to be hectic: toast burned, tempers short, voices shrill;
When you long for peace and quiet, remember: “You have your family still.”
There are many who are lonely.
Perhaps your meals are sometimes unbalanced, and your table looks like a fright!
But at least you have food for your stomachs, never going to bed hungry at night.
There are many who are starving.
If you feel your work is monotonous, and you’re often tempted to shirk,
Well then, be reminded: It’s a privilege to be given the opportunity to work.
There are many who have no jobs.
If ever you are tempted to grumble, desiring for riches and fame,
Remember to count all your blessings. If you do, you will then be ashamed.
Thank you Lord, for life.
Every day, be thankful for what you have and who you are.
© Helen Dowd

**********************************
The Praying Hands of Durer
Many of us would have seen the picture of The Praying Hands, also present in many Christian homes, but would almost certainly not have heard the moving story behind this popular picture.
Here is the story.

THE STORY BEHIND THE PICTURE OF THE PRAYING HANDS

Back in the fifteenth century, in a tiny village near Nuremberg , lived a family with eighteen children. Eighteen! In order merely to keep food on the table for this mob, the father and head of the household, a goldsmith by profession, worked almost eighteen hours a day at his trade and any other paying chore he could find in the neighborhood.

Despite their seemingly hopeless condition, two of the elder children, Albrecht and Albert, had a dream. They both wanted to pursue their talent for art, but they knew full well that their father would never be financially able to send either of them to Nuremberg to study at the Academy.

After many long discussions at night in their crowded bed, the two boys finally worked out a pact. They would toss a coin. The loser would go down into the nearby mines and, with his earnings, support his brother while he attended the academy. Then, when that brother who won the toss completed his studies, in four years, he would support the other brother at the academy, either with sales of his artwork or, if necessary, also by laboring in the mines.

They tossed a coin on a Sunday morning after church. Albrecht Durer won the toss and went off to Nuremberg .

Albert went down into the dangerous mines and, for the next four years, financed his brother, whose work at the academy was almost an immediate sensation. Albrecht’s etchings, his woodcuts, and his oils were far better than those of most of his professors, and by the time he graduated, he was beginning to earn considerable fees for his commissioned works.

When the young artist returned to his village, the Durer family held a festive dinner on their lawn to celebrate Albrecht’s triumphant homecoming. After a long and memorable meal, punctuated with music and laughter, Albrecht rose from his honored position at the head of the table to drink a toast to his beloved brother for the years of sacrifice that had enabled Albrecht to fulfill his ambition. His closing words were, “And now, Albert, blessed brother of mine, now it is your turn. Now you can go to Nuremberg to pursue your dream, and I will take care of you.”

All heads turned in eager expectation to the far end of the table where Albert sat, tears streaming down his pale face, shaking his lowered head from side to side while he sobbed and repeated, over and over, “No …no….no ..no.”

Finally, Albert rose and wiped the tears from his cheeks. He glanced down the long table at the faces he loved, and then, holding his hands close to his right cheek, he said softly, “No, brother. I cannot go to Nuremberg . It is too late for me. Look … Look what four years in the mines have done to my hands! The bones in every finger have been smashed at least once, and lately I have been suffering from arthritis so badly in my right hand that I cannot even hold a glass to return your toast, much less make delicate lines on parchment or canvas with a pen or a brush. No, brother ….for me it is too late.”

More than 450 years have passed. By now, Albrecht Durer’s hundreds of masterful portraits, pen and silver-point sketches, water colors, charcoals, woodcuts, and copper engravings hang in every great museum in the world, but the odds are great that you, like most people, are familiar with only one of Albrecht Durer’s works. More than merely being familiar with it, you very well may have a reproduction hanging in your home or office.

One day, to pay homage to Albert for all that he had sacrificed, Albrecht Durer painstakingly drew his brother’s abused hands with palms together and thin fingers stretched skyward. He called his powerful drawing simply “Hands,” but the entire world almost immediately opened their hearts to his great masterpiece and renamed his tribute of love “The Praying Hands.” The next time you see a copy of that touching creation, take a second look. Let it be your reminder, that no one – no one – ever makes it alone!

Dear One
Dear one, we do not weep for you.
You’re safe in Jesus’ arms.
You’re walking, talking with your Lord,
free from this world’s harm.
Someday we’ll meet with you again—
when Christ comes back to earth
to claim the souls that, through His blood,
He’s granted his New Birth.
‘ Til then we’ve said our last “goodbye.”
We’ll miss your smiling face.
Your presence added “spice” to life,
your death, a vacant place.
© Helen Dowd

THE PRICE OF DOUGHNUTS

to family friends and clients

because they were pivotal and instrumental to my own personal growth. 

“Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. If you work hard on your job you’ll make a living, if you work hard on yourself you can make a life.” — Jim Rohn

Surround yourself with the right people. No compromises because energy is contagious “If you are driven by fear, anger or pride nature will force you to compete. If you are guided by courage, awareness, tranquility and peace nature will serve you.” -Amit Ray, Nonviolence: The Transforming Power

What is an excuse? An excuse is a way to step in front of yourself to prevent forward momentum. The next time you find yourself thinking of an excuse ask yourself the real reason why

“As you begin to let go of your old patterns, it may appear that things in your life are falling apart. You may find that you have to let go of certain things you’ve been attached to. Some relationships in your life may dissolve or simply “fizzle out” from lack of energy. Old pastimes may no longer interest you. You may even lose your job or decide to leave it.   Of course, these changes can be upsetting and frightening. Over time, however, you will find that this is all part of the transformation you are going through. As you learn to be true to yourself, you will find that you attract people, work, and other circumstances that reflect your evolution and development.” Shakti Gawain

“PPS (Perpetual Positivity Syndrome) is one of the most common obstructions to awakening on the spiritual path. Defined as ‘the addictive need to default to positivity under any and all circumstances’, it prevents a maturation in the deep within because sufferers refuse to be present for all that is. Symptoms include a constant need to find the light in every situation, a tendency to forget or ‘rise above’ the negative aspects of their partners, an inability to fully support and hold the space for other’s suffering, and a turning away from the growth work demanded by life’s challenges. Instead of forging a grounded, discerning positivity in the heart of all that is, they jump to the light, while averting the shadows that inform it. They re-actively bliss-trip, when lessons are waiting in the wings to be learned. Those who suffer with PPS are often of the illusory view that they had perfect childhoods or that they have moved beyond the shadow, but they are sadly mistaken. If anything, their obsessive clinging to the ‘positive’ is rooted in their unresolved emotional material: pain and anger that will only come back to haunt them. At the end of the day (when the darkness settles in…), there can be no light without shadow. And no substitute for hard-earned transformation.” ~ J. Kay Brown Lynn

“Balance is key. In everything you do.
Dance all night long and practice yoga the next day.
Drink wine but don’t forget your green juice.
Eat chocolate when your heart wants it and kale salad when your body needs it.
Wear high heels on Saturday and walk barefoot on Sunday.
Go shopping at the mall and then sit down and meditate in your bedroom.
Live high and low.
Move and stay still.
Embrace all sides of who you are and live your authentic truth! Be brave and bold and spontaneous and loud and let that complement your abilities to find silence and patience and modesty and peace.
Aim for balance.
Make your own rules and don’t let anybody tell you how to live according to theirs”.  Author: Rachel Brathen

Freedom is what you do with what happened to you.

Be impeccable with your words. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best. Four agreements.

God, grant me the serenity and courage to accept the things I cannot change, grant me the power and wisdom to change the things I cannot accept. Dr Richard Bartlett

“Every violation of truth is not only a sort of suicide in the liar, but is a stab at the health of human society.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson,

People who offer you conflict may be offering you the opportunity for growth. Seek these people out. These are the people who can show you that you can do it for yourself. You can be a big circle. Kaleel Jamieson

We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion. Max de Pree

Sad but true: if another person is on a different ‘frequency’, like radio channels, anything you say, whether wise or sweet or encouraging, will only fall on deaf ears. So goes our individual lessons and journeys in life…

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can also hurt me. Sticks and stones break only skin while words are ghosts that haunt me. Pain from words has left scars on mind and heart that’s tender. Cuts and bruises have now healed, it’s words that I remember.

A person’s insecurities and self esteem are weighed by how much they consume themselves with other people’s business.

When “I” is replaced by “We”, even “Illness” turns into “Wellness”.

If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of Energy, Frequency, and Vibration. Nikola Tesla

Your health is an investment not an expense. Although it will become an expense if you don’t take time to invest in it.

P.O.O.R. Passing Over Opportunities Routinely.

Question Everything!

It is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are without any self deception or illusion that a light will develop out of events by which the path of success may be recognized. I Ching

Love is supported by two things: your total surrender into it and your complete autonomy out of it.

EGO: Edging God Out

What ties all sorts of regret together is the fact that no matter how much we try, how hard we work what’s done is done and cannot be reversed. Sometimes you let go of a good thing only to realize too late what it could’ve meant in your life and sometimes you’re too late in preventing something that shouldn’t have gone on for that long anyway.

“Complaining is one of the ego’s favorite strategies for strengthening itself. Every complaint is a little story the mind makes up that you completely believe in. Whether you complain aloud or only in thought makes no difference. Resentment is the emotion that goes with complaining and the mental labeling of people and adds even more energy to the ego. Resentment means to feel bitter, indignant, aggrieved, or offended. You resent other people’s greed, their dishonesty, their lack of integrity, what they are doing, what they did in the past, what they said, what they failed to do, what they should or shouldn’t have done. The ego loves it. Instead of overlooking unconsciousness in others, you make it into their identity. Who is doing that? The unconsciousness in you, the ego. Sometimes the “fault” that you perceive in another isn’t even there. It is a total misinterpretation, a projection by a mind conditioned to see enemies and to make itself right or superior. At other times, the fault may be there, but by focusing on it, sometimes to the exclusion of everything else, you amplify it. And what you react to in another, you strengthen in yourself.”  Eckhart Tolle

“It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” —DAVID STEINDL-RAST

If you only love yourself 10%, another person can only love you 10%. Love yourself 100%!!!

“Meaning doesn’t lie in things. Meaning lies in us. When we attach value to things that aren’t love- the money, the car, the house, the prestige, we are loving things that can’t love us back. We are searching for meaning in meaningless. Money, if itself, means nothing. Material things, of themselves, mean nothing. It’s not that they’re bad. It’s just that they’re nothing.” – Marianne Williamson, A Return To LOVE

Embrace your desire for separateness as much as your passion for togetherness.

When hell unleashes its wrath, we learn survival skills in the most unpredictable ways. Strong body is one thing but strong mind is needed to get thru life’s challenges. Never let anything break your spirit. Sometimes faith is the only reliable source of strength when the world around us is in chaos.

“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.”.–Jean-Paul Sartre

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop and look fear in the face. you are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along”. You must do the thing that you think you cannot do”. Eleanor Roosevelt.

Abracadabra: I create what I think.

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine. Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you’re not comfortable with yourself, you can’t be comfortable with others. – Sidney J. Harris

“Awakened Doing” : if you are not in the state of either acceptance, enjoyment, or enthusiasm, look closely and you will find that you are creating suffering for yourself and others. – Eckhart Tolle

All change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and Gorgeous at the end!

All great changes are preceded by chaos.

Sad but true: if another person is on a different ‘frequency’, like radio channels, anything you say, whether wise or sweet or encouraging, will only fall on deaf ears  So goes our individual lessons and journeys in life…Basically people will only see and hear their own level of perception.

Hurt people hurt people.

The difference between superficial and true aligned integrity: By three methods we may learn wisdom: First by reflection, which is noblest; Second by imitation which is easiest; and third by experience which is bitterest. Confucius

Stay away from STILL people: Still broke, still complaining, still borrowing, still hating, still childish, still insecure, still stupid, still not making a change in their lives.

No matter what happens or how devastating it is, it ALWAYS serves a Divine Purpose. If you look for it you will always find it.

Your greatest adversary is also your greatest teacher. Like it or not, it is the job of certain people to bring out the worst in you. What they trigger is already in you, They are here to reveal the sore, tender, wounded places in your heart and mind, and they are providing you with a wonderful and divine opportunity for healing. Iyanla Vanzant

The eyes only see what the mind is prepared to comprehend.

Magic truly happens when you are outside of your comfort zone. There are three C’s in life: Choices, chances and changes. You must make a choice, to take a chance, or your life will never change.

In the world of the successful entrepreneur, there is no such thing as standing still.

If you have done well, it is your duty to send the elevator back down. Kevin Spacey

Even the most daring and accomplished people have undergone tremendous difficulty. In fact, the more successful they became, the more they attributed their success to the lessons learned during their most difficult times. Adversity is our teacher. When we view adversity as a guide towards greater inner growth, we will then learn to accept the wisdom our soul came into this life to learn.

The word ‘integrity’ comes from the Latin integer, meaning whole or complete. So fractured people are out of integrity with themselves. I don’t mean that they’re immoral or unethical, but rather that they simply can’t gain the power they need, because of their misalignment. The more fractured you are, or the less whole and complete you are, the less power you have. Kris Krohn, Conscious Creator

All flowers grow through dirt.

Life is an illusion created by our perception of events and stories we create around them. Colin Sprake

It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.” ~ Leonardo da Vinci

Everything that you need will come to you, exactly when it’s supposed to, in exactly the right way.

Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive.

A wise man never knows all, only fools know everything.

Fear does not stop death. It stops life.

The older you get, the more quiet you become. Life humbles you so deeply as you age. You realize how much nonsense you’ve wasted time on.

Today I will live in the moment. Unless the moment is unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.

Don’t talk, just act. Don’t say, just show. Don’t promise, just prove.

Weak people spread rumors. Stupid people believe them.

Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind — even if your voice shakes! Maggie Kahn

If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished? Rumi

When you start looking at people’s hearts instead of their faces, life becomes clear.

Pay close attention to whom your energy increases and decreases around. That is the universe giving you a big hint on who you should stay away from and who you should keep in your life. Trust your instincts. Energy never lies.

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. Socrates

Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent. Dalai Lama

It is wise to pay attention to the coincidences, the synchronicities, and the deja vu experiences in your life. These are not random events. They are where our spiritual plan, set up before we are born, and the actual path we are traveling in this lifetime converge. Dr. Brian Weiss

We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them. Epictetus.

Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

“Those of us who study the laws of attraction and abundance, energy work, etc. often come to believe there is a reason behind EVERYTHING that’s happening amiss in our lives. We become convinced that if things aren’t going our way, if angels aren’t running to keep us from stubbing our toe on every rock, that we must be doing something wrong. The fact is, we’re living in a fallen world. Bad things happen to good people; and I think we need to stop over-analyzing everything. You’re doing your best, keep going, have faith that things will work out. God’s got a happy ending in store for you, and every hero by definition must face some opposition to be a hero.” – Marnie Pehrson.

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. Mother Teresa

God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad of our greatest calling.

Everything is energy. Your thought begins it, your emotion amplifies it, and your action increases the momentum. Jeffrey Miller

Sometimes surrender means giving up trying to understand and becoming comfortable with not knowing. Eckhart Tolle

As you think, you feel. As you feel, you radiate. As you radiate, you CREATE. Abraham Hicks

If you cannot find a leader that inspires you, be the leader you wish you had. Simon Sinek

When it feels like He isn’t doing anything, that’s probably when he’s doing the most.

Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.

How many souls have failed to soar because they were suffocated in a loved one’s worry?

A good boss makes his men realize they have more ability than they think they have so that they consistently do better work than they thought they could.  Charles Wilson

Success is about passion, guided by priorities.

Make sure your servant towel is bigger than your ego.

Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity

I’m not going to teach you or tell you how to live your life, I’m going to guide you to have the courage to live the life you want to live

Let your mess become your message.

Pride is the burden of a foolish person.

Excitement comes from achievement. Fulfillment comes from the journey that got us there. Simon Sinek

A wise man can always be found alone. A weak man can always be found in a crowd.

Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one who finds the gold. Proverbs 11:27

Hiding parts of yourself to avoid rejection is a paradox. When you do it, you reject yourself.

Out of the lowest lows, often comes the highest highs.

Let your hands be so busy catching blessings that you don’t have the capacity to hold on to grudges.

Addiction is a family disease. One person may use but the whole family suffers.

Good judgement comes from experience. And experience? Well that comes from poor judgement.

The dark does not destroy the light, it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows. Brene Brown

The only difference between you and someone you envy is that you settled for less. Dr. Phil

It’s good to learn from your mistakes. It’s better to learn from other people’s mistakes. Warren Buffet

If you want to be successful, find someone who has achieved the results you want and model what they do and you’ll achieve the same results.

What you hold on to, holds on to you.

Sometimes your circle decreases in size but increases in value.

Earthing: The process of absorbing free flowing electrons from the earth surface through the soles of one’s feet.

I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavour. Henry David Thoreau

Alchemy happens when there is no attachment or expectation. Charan Surdhar

Don’t say something permanently hurtful because you’re temporarily upset.

Everything has a voice. Listen with the soft ears of your inner spirit.

LeAnn Bond Larson: “What a huge epiphany I had last night! I figured out why many LDS shun natural and energy healing!  — It’s from a lack of faith. In our culture, (not the gospel) many of us believe that there are only two ways to get healed when our natural immune systems fail us. We believe that you heal from the doctor’s medicine/surgery, or from a Priesthood blessing, PERIOD. Anything outside of that is just too weird.
The problem is that God is not confined to those boundaries.
When Christ was healing, he was having people do all kinds of nonsensical things to have them exercise or prove their faith. He was making them go outside their own belief systems. The ultimate physician was also the ultimate rule breaker for the leaders of their time and culture.
The same is happening here.
Our culture, often does not allow for going outside it’s boundaries. Cultural boundaries are what keeps us boxed in, sick and tired and not getting better. It’s because we tell God, “Here are the parameters in which I am willing to be healed.” and God says, “Huh, I had another idea. Let me know when you are willing to learn what I have to teach you.” and so we stay sick. Sometimes all our lives. All of us know someone who is suffering constantly and unwilling to step our of cultural norms and really listen to the pure inspiration of God, I am certainly part of that crowd at times. I have to face my own unbelief here. I do the research, find the solution and then wonder if I really have to do what is taught me. Do I want to heal and be free of my pain and do something weird or do I want to fit in and not risk anything? It’s really a question of faith isn’t it.
This is my declaration, that my cultural chains are OFF!
Man, that felt good to say!”

“…Trauma is the result of our nervous systems being overwhelmed by experiences that we are unable to tolerate and process. This can be the result of a single life-threatening event, or of repeated stressors accumulating over time. Trauma is particularly devastating if we’re young and vulnerable, so early traumatic experiences tend to have deep impacts that, as adults, we may be completely unconscious of. Mindfulness meditation can reopen these old wounds, and without appropriate support, anyone can get lost in these deeply painful experiences…”  The concept of success, competition and striving for money are not naturally harmonious balanced concepts of life.    Money was installed as a system of indebtedness and control, a prison for the commoners without bars.
Success and competition are also “I’m better than you” concepts which is not a loving basis, because when you come from those places in your heart the need for winning, to be top dog, top earner, a leader in your field, being looked up to and admired just melt away like snow in the warmth of the sun.
So much of this “get rich quick”, be successful and live the life you have always dreamed is complete BS to mislead those who are more gullible and haven’t learned to connect fully with their Soul and Source.     Once that lesson has been learned you can move on to true wealth which comes from the beauty of being human on a beautiful planet in a spirit of community and contribution.    If trauma resurfaces during a meditation, a retreat or some energy work make sure you do not let this unaddressed.  That’s where my work with RTT and Therapeutic Hypnosis will support you in releasing the blocks and seal the positive changes in your life.    Letting it come out is not enough to heal. You need to understand the source and the impact the trauma had in your life to move on in a positive and healthy way.  Www.nathalieristord.com

Where would you be, what would you be doing now if Fear wasn’t an option?

FEAR: Fuck Everything And Run OR Face Everything And Recover. Your choice.

I am.. two of the most powerful words; for what you put after them shapes your reality.

“Even God can’t please everybody. Only a fool would try to do what even God can’t do.” Have you realized that there are some people you can’t please?  No matter what you do or what you try or how nice you are to them. You just can’t please everybody. But the Bible tells says you don’t need to please everybody. “It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you.” (Proverbs 29:25 LB) It’s an emotional trap when you start worrying about what other people think. We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t even like — all because we think we must be liked by everyone in order to be happy. That’s foolish!

If An Egg Breaks Due 2 OUTSIDE Force! “Inside Life ENDs!” But… If it Breaks from inside! “Life Begins!” “GREAT Things Always Begin from Inside! So try to make your inside GOOD!

When you basically love and accept yourself, you don’t need the approval or acceptance of someone else, though it always feels good to have. You feel comfortable being by yourself, However, when you are uncomfortable with and unaccepting of yourself, it is difficult to believe that others can really love you. Feeling flawed, you either distance yourself from others or do whatever you can to create a connection. If you choose the latter, you often hide your real self and present what you think others want. Sometimes your ability to see the other person clearly also suffers; you overlook flaws and inflate positive traits. And, you do it all for the reward of feeling loved. Needless to say, this does not bode well for making an honest connection and building a healthy relationship of any sort.

“Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?” ― Ian Wallace

Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.” ― Steve Maraboli

The Mirror of Relationships The essential nature of the universe is the coexistence of opposites. You cannot be virtuous if you do not have the capacity for evil. You cannot be wise if you do not have an inner fool. And you cannot be generous if you do not have a stingy person inside you. In fact, the most enlightened people are those who accept their own ambiguity and full potential for light and dark. As the Vedic seers observed, “The measure of your enlightenment is your level of comfort with your own paradoxes.” Everyone we see in the world is a reflection of ourselves, and the traits we see most clearly in others are the ones that are strongest in ourselves. This is called the mirror of relationship and it is a powerful tool for emotional freedom. When we have a strong negative reaction to someone, we can be certain that they’re reflecting traits that we also possess but have been unwilling to embrace. We spend so much time denying that we have a dark side, and then end up projecting these denied qualities onto other people. For the same reason, we are attracted to certain people because they have the same traits that we have, only more so. ‎”Acceptance of WHAT IS:   Masters, by accepting that you are here to face challenges, then you can more robustly create the energy needed to face them. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life can be difficult no longer scares you, rather it motivates the spiritual warrior into resolve.  The greatest issue you have in accepting ultimate ownership and responsibility for your actions lies in the core desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that behavior. But we tell you that it is the confrontational courage of impeccably solving problems that provides and indeed nurtures meaningful growth in your life.  Facing your problems is the serendipitous cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure, or better said between growth and stagnation. Problems call forth your best effort to resolve and refine courage and wisdom within the impeccable seeker.  It is categorically because of stressful predicaments and obstructions that you grow mentally and spiritually. It is through the pain of confronting and resolving life-puzzles and ‘set-ups’ that you learn the greater meaning of the science of love. Dear Hearts, the candid fact is that some of your most poignant accomplishments and indeed greatest growths are spawned when you are placed in the troubling crossroads of conundrum. Your greatest trials and revelations take place in times when you are outside of your ‘comfort zone’, feeling bewildered, unfulfilled, or even in a state of agonizing despair. For it is in such moments, propelled by your discomfort that you are compelled to burst out of the confining cages and seek a better more spiritually satisfying way of life.” (Metatron channeled by Tyberonn)

“97% of people work a J.O.B = Just Over Broke. All of them want an M.B.A. = (Massive Bank Account), They are clueless on how to create wealth and be R.I.C.H. = (Residual Income Creates Happiness), Continuously surrounding themselves with H.A.T.E.R.S = (Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success), and then wonder …why they are P.O.O.R = (Passing Over Opportunities Repeatedly”

“One of the most loving things you can do for another person is let them make their own mistakes, learn their own lessons and endure in the contrast of a life they don’t really want. People only really change when they’ve hit rock bottom – sometimes the most loving thing you can do for a person is to let them and be there to help pick up the pieces. Permanent change comes from within, no one can give it to you.” – Jackson Kiddard

It is a risk to share your heart, but it is a greater risk to withhold it. Those that are appropriate will receive and behold it

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. – Peter Ustinov

Let me not pray to be sheltered from danger, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. (Thanks Rachelle)

Parts A, B, C, and D of Adam Yauch’s autobiography will be released online for free. However, you have to fight for your right to Part E.

Being offended is a weakness of the ego.

People destroy what they don’t understand.

Kandinsky concerning the spiritual in art: Color directly influences the soul, color is the keyboard, the eyes are the hammers, the soul is the piano with many strings. The artist is the hand that plays, touching one key or another purposively to cause vibrations in the soul.

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” — T.S. Eliot

Relationships never end, because they’re of the mind; only bodies can separate. When you’re missing someone, know it just means that on a soul level they’ve come to visit.

Life is about who you love and who you hurt. It’s about how you feel about yours…elf. It’s about trust, happiness and compassion. It’s about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It’s about what you say and what you mean. It’s about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else’s in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life’s about. ~Adam Fendelman

If there is one thing that the hardships in life teach us, it is that sometimes the most honorable thing you can do is to suck it up, show up and speak up. Avoidance is cowardly and gets you nowhere. Think about it…There are times in life when you may have felt between a rock and hard place and not sure what to do. When you get quiet and listen to your heart, you get the courage to face things that sometimes you think you want to hide from but that inner strength and facing up is what propels you into the best things in life that you couldn’t see before.

“A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl.” -Stephan Hoeller

A man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought, How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened … with so many sharp thorns? Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and just before it was ready to bloom… it died. So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects and neglect to water the rose within us, and eventually it dies without realizing its potential. Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them. Help others to realize they can overcome their faults. If we show them the rose within themselves, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over…

Wayne Dyer: Unclutter your life. You’ll feel a real rush of inspiration when you clear out stuff that’s no longer useful in your life. If you haven’t worn it in the past year or two, recycle it for others to use. Get rid of old files that take up space and are seldom, if ever, needed. Donate unused toys, tools, books, bicycles, and dishes to a charitable organization. Get rid of anything that keeps you mired in acquisitions that contribute to a cluttered life. In the words of Socrates, “He is nearest to God who needs the fewest things.” So the less you need to insure, protect, dust, reorganize, and move, the closer you’ll be to hearing inspiration’s call.

New gardeners learn by trowel and error.

On my tombstone, please write “Not appreciating my puns was a grave mistake”.

Rela-pun-ship goals: Will clever word play deePUN our relationship? It could hapPUN.

All my puns are on porpoise.

You must be a teacher, you have a lot of class.

Writing: A profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don’t want to make eye contact while telling it.

Too much pi gives you a large circumference.
How do you have a party in space? You planet.
I like camouflage jokes because you don’t see them coming.
Guitars don’t fall asleep on their own. You have to rock them first.
Apparently you cannot use “beefstew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
Did you hear the joke about the jump rope? Eh, let’s skip it.
What time is it? Maritime. What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing it just waved! Sea what I did there? I’m shore you did.
Irony: The opposite of wrinkly.
A rich snail goes into a car shop, picks out a super fast car, and says “I want a big S painted on the right side, the left side, the front, the back, I want big S’s everywhere.” And the car painter asks “Why?” And the snail says “Because when I pass people on the road I want them to point at me and say ‘Wow! Look at that escargot!”
So apparently people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones… but people in Abu Dhabi do
If a fly has no wings, is it a walk?
Why do you get a dog “fixed” when it doesn’t work anymore?
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly the bug flew into the cow’s ear. The farmer didn’t think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
Sometimes I feel like I am parked diagonally in a parallel universe.
So apparently people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones… but people in Abu Dhabi do
Some aquatic zoo animals escaped. It was otter chaos. I tried to save them but they didn’t want any kelp.
A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic’s lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside.
The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn’t find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.
That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight.
Realizing what had happened he looked toward the heavens and proclaimed, “A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!”

Price of gas in France
A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van..
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied,
‘Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.’
I had no Monet To buy Degas To make the Van Gogh.’
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else….
I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse .

I changed my i Pod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.

PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro – what a rip off !

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer !

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

Q. What do elves learn in school?
A. The elf-abet.

“A big ego without a big commitment backing it up is nothing more than stubbornness. It makes you look silly and weak.”
– Mandy van der Put

Questions to Ask Yourself When You Struggle to Let Go

How do I want to feel when I’m in my home? (Describe it in detail.)

What could I have done with the time I spent over the last few months shopping online, organizing my stuff, or looking for documents that had gotten lost in my clutter?

To what extent does the state of my house impact my ability to be present and give love to my family?

Would I rather spend half of my days picking up after my kids and getting after them to pick up after themselves, or would I rather spend those same hours engaged with them?

For all of the tidying and nagging I do, do my family members see me as being obsessed with our stuff?

How does the emotional angst that comes with feeling like a slave to my things impact my relationships?

Would I rather store this item indefinitely—or borrow or re-buy it if the need were to arise down the road?

Does my home visually represent the person I’m trying to be?

Does it feel like my brain is constantly at capacity?

Can I get even more honest with myself about the line between a want and a need?

Will this piece that’s meaningful to me mean the same thing to the person I might pass it down to someday?

Who will sort through my belongings after I’m gone, and what can I do to lessen that burden now?

Does getting rid of this item mean I’ll be getting rid of the memories associated with it?

Is there a different way I can document or honor what this piece means to me without actually holding on it? If so, how?

Will this matter in a year? How about ten? Twenty?

**YOUR DREAMS MUST BE BIGGER THAN YOUR EXCUSES**

How’s that for making it really obvious what is important to us? And it makes us realize even more that if our dreams AREN’T bigger then our excuses, well…we will never reach them.

Procrastination seems to be the main cause of our dreams not materializing in our lives, and why is that? Well, Success is a Mindset, and if your Mindset isn’t focused on your Dreams, then everything under the sun will get in the way. To be Successful you need to push all of the excuses out of the way, the ‘I’m tired, I don’t have time, this is too hard, I’m not good at sales’, and focus only on your Dreams, because your INNER WORLD, your thoughts, your feelings, your attitudes towards your Dreams, they control your OUTER WORLD, which is the life you are living. So, if you don’t like your car, your house, your body, your love life, change your INNER WORLD and watch the magic happen.

There is a book that I read 4 years ago called “Rules For Renegades” by Comaford-Lynch, which really hit home for me. Excuses are just that. They are ways we allow ourselves to back out of truly being successful…excuses are safe, excuses are normal, excuses are what we learn growing up…excuses STEAL OUR DREAMS. Two words I heard recently on a call: Renegades and Mustangs…that is what a Successful Dream Seeker is!

How many of you suffer from NFL? And no, this isn’t the National Football League!, it is an acronym for three states a Dream Seeker goes through:

                1)      No Friends Left – Love this one, as we all go through it…they think you are crazy at first, that your dreams will never happen, then they try and steal your dreams by telling you that you cannot achieve them, and when you don’t quit, they leave your life….NFL….consider the source if someone says something negative…are THEY where you want to be?

                2)      No Funds Left – You are barely making ends meet as it is, you are living paycheque to paycheque and you feel the hamster wheel of trading time for money will never get better

                3)      Not For Long! – This is what you need to have in your mind at all times! Rather than think “lack of”, you think “Not For Long!!”…THAT is the Mindset of a Successful person!

Don’t let your PAST mindset affect your PRESENT mindset…a professional NWM requires a state of mind that is ZEN – LIKE…you need to be able to neutralize your emotions regarding ‘lack of’, and do not let the negative dream stealers affect your Success Mindset…which will help you to achieve your dreams.

I have also learned that your environment affects your state of mind, how you dress, how you eat, how you ‘appear’ on the outside has a direct impact on what you are attracting to you. Are you attracting to you success if you are dressed in sweat-pants when prospecting? Are you driving in your car that has garbage inside and dirty windows? Are you walking with your head down and being shy? Do you “Dress For Success” every day?

I would love everyone to really focus on what your dreams are, and creating that mindset of Success in your every day actions. Don’t let Excuses, Fears, Guilt, or Obligations hold you back from achieving them! The only thing you need to keep in your mind is this: What excuse will you come up with when you reach the end of your life and your dreams have not been achieved?

GIG…GET IN THE GAME EVERY DAY!!

THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN (oh so true)
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress — a whimper, a frown — you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

Accidents:
1st Child: You see them about to trip and fall…. you will sprint across a couch/coffee table and anything else in the way to attempt to save your baby.
By the time you get to number four, you just watch and say “Yup, gonna hit”
1st Child: You hear a thud in the bedroom and run to check if your baby is alright.
4th child: You hear a thud and wait for a scream. If they scream they’re ok, if not, go check.

GRANDCHILDREN: God’s reward for allowing your children to live.

**********************************************************************
Things you learn raising kids… boys in particular:
(Apparently from a mom who raised 3 boys in Texas)

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in acrowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR’s do not eject “PB & J” sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

a) For those with no children – this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is notfunny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control

**********************
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.
“That’s a serious step,” he said. “Have you thought it out completely?”
“Yes,” his young son answered. “We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It’s right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.”
“How about transportation?” the father asked.
“I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,” the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.
Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, “What about babies? When you’re married, you’re liable to have babies, you know.”
“We’ve thought about that, too,” the little boy replied. “We’re not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I’m going to step on it!”

***************************
Toddler’s Creed

If I want it, it’s mine.
If I give it to you and change my mind later, it’s mine
If I can take it away from you, it’s mine.
If I had it a little while ago it’s mine.
If it’s mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.
If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

*******************************
The Christmas Pageant
My husband and I had been happily married (most of the time) for five years but hadn’t been blessed with a baby. I decided to do some serious praying and promised God that if he would give us a child, I would be a perfect mother, love it with all my heart and raise it with His word as my guide. God answered my prayers and blessed us with a son. The next year God blessed us with another son. The following year, He blessed us with yet another son. The year after that we were blessed with a daughter. My husband thought we’d been blessed right into poverty. We now had four children, and the oldest was onlyfour years old. I learned never to ask God for anything unless I meant it. As a minister once told me, “If you pray for rain, make sure you carry an umbrella.”

I began reading a few verses of the Bible to the children each day as they lay in their cribs. I was off to a good start. God had entrusted me with four children and I didn’t want to disappoint Him.
I tried to be patient the day the children smashed two dozen eggs on the kitchen floor searching for baby chicks.
I tried to be understanding… when they started a hotel for homeless frogs in the spare bedroom, although it took me nearly two hours to catch all twenty-three frogs.
When my daughter poured ketchup all over herself and rolled up in a blanket to see how it felt to be a hot dog, I tried to see the humor rather than the mess.
In spite of changing overtwenty-five thousand diapers, never eating a hot meal and never sleeping for more than thirty minutes at a time, I still thank God daily for my children.
While I couldn’t keep my promise to be a perfect mother – I didn’t even come close…I did keep my promiseto raise them in the Word of God.
I knew I was missing the mark just a little when I told my daughter we were going to church to worship God,and she wanted to bring a bar of soap along to “wash up” Jesus, too. Something was lost in the translation when I explained that God gave us everlasting life,and my son thought it was generous of God to give us his “last wife.” My proudest moment came during the children’s Christmas pageant. My daughter was playing Mary, two of my sons were shepherds and my youngest son was a wise man.This was their moment to shine.
My five-year-old shepherd had practiced his line,
“We found the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes.”
But he was nervous and said,
“The baby was wrapped in wrinkled clothes.”
My four-year-old “Mary” said,
“That’s not ‘wrinkled clothes,’ silly. That’s dirty, rotten clothes.”
A wrestling match broke outbetween Mary and the shepherd and was stopped by an angel, who bent her halo and lost her left wing. I slouched a little lower in my seat when Mary dropped the doll representing Baby Jesus, and it bounced down the aisle crying, “Mama-mama.”
Mary grabbed the doll, wrapped it back up and held it tightly as the wise men arrived. My other son stepped forward wearing a bathrobe and a paper crown, knelt at the manger and announced, “We are the three wise men, and we are bringing gifts of gold, common sense and fur.”
The congregation dissolved into laughter, and the pageant got a standing ovation.
“I’ve never enjoyed a Christmas program as much as this one,” laughed the pastor, wiping tears from his eyes.
“For the rest of my life, I’ll never hear the Christmas story without thinking of gold, common sense and fur.”
“My children are my pride and my joy and my greatest blessing,” I said as I dug through my purse for an aspirin.
*************************

Don’t eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what…..
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn’t a chicken sandwich. He said, “Hey, how come you’re not eating chicken, don’t you like it anymore?” She said “I love it but I have to stop eating it.” “Why?” he asked. She pointed to her lap and said “Cause I’m starting to grow little
feathers down there!” “Let me see” he said. “Okay” and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, “That’s right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken.” He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, “I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I’m starting to get feathers down there too!” She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said “Oh, my God, it’s too late for you! You’ve already got the neck and the gizzards!!

**************************
Modern version of the Birds & the Bees…..
Little boy goes to his father and asks “Daddy, how was I born?” The
father answers: “Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then
I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We
sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download
from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that
neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit
the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared
and said: You’ve Got Male
*******************************
Mustard Story
I Love Mustard. (If you have children you will probably relate to this father.)
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. “Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,” she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue. Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, “Now you know why they call that fancy mustard . . . “Poupon.”
***************************
Teen Poverty:
We just spent several hours observing teenagers hanging out at our local mall. We came to the conclusion many teenagers in America today are living in poverty. Most young men We observed didn’t even own a belt; there was not one among the whole group.
But that wasn’t the sad part. Many were wearing their daddy’s jeans. Some jeans were so big and baggy they hung low on their hips, exposing their underwear. I know some must have been ashamed their daddy was short, because his jeans hardly went below their knees. They weren’t even their daddies’ good jeans, for most had holes ripped in the knees and a dirty look to them. It grieved us, in a modern, affluent society like America, there are those who can’t afford a decent pair of jeans I was thinking about asking my
church to start a jeans drive for “poor kids at the mall.” Then on Christmas
Eve, we could go Christmas caroling and distribute jeans to these poor
teenagers. But here is the saddest part…it was the girls they were hanging
out with that disturbed us most. Never, in all of our lives, have we seen
such poverty-stricken girls. These girls had the opposite problem of the
guys. They all had to wear their little sister’s clothes. Their jeans were
about 5 sizes too small! I don’t know how they could get them on, let alone
button them up. Their jeans barely went over their hipbones. Most also had
on their little sister’s top; it hardly covered their midsections. Oh, they
were trying to hold their heads up with pride, but it was a sad sight to see
these almost grown women wearing children’s clothes.
However, it was their underwear that bothered us most. They, like the boys,
because of the improper fitting of their clothes, they had their underwear
exposed. We had never seen anything like it. It looked like their underwear
was only held together by a single piece of string.
We know it saddens your heart to receive this report on condition of our
American teenagers. While we go to bed every night with a closets full of
clothes nearby, there are millions of “mall girls” who barely have enough
material to keep it together. We think their “poorness” is why these 2
groups gather at the mall; boys with their short daddies! ‘ ripped jeans,
and girls wearing their younger sisters’ clothes. The mall is one place
where they can find acceptance. So, next time you are at the mall, doing
your shopping , and you pass by some of these poor teenagers, would you say
a prayer for them? And one more thing ..
Will you pray the guys’ pants won’t fall down, and the girls’ strings won’t
break?
We thank you all, Two Concerned Grandmother

Kids and the Bible

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk
grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and
maintain her composure!

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE
EVEN A LITTLE, YOU’LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW
TESTAMENTS.

THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY
HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.
INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF
CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH’S WIFE
WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME
ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF
FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY
HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY
A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE
UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE
TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT
THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT
ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA . THEN JOSHUA
LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS
SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE
LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO
LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700
PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG
THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY
FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

*************************************
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659—CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed
more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for
himself.
The man replied, “Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady
got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down
under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ‘Logan’s Liniment will
reduce the swelling,’ and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a
deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,” and
I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when She moved the fourth
time and sat under a sign that said, ‘Goodyear Rubber could have
prevented this Accident’… I just lost it.”
“CASE DISMISSED!!”

*******************************

Brian Hester invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the
meal, Brian’s mother couldn’t help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian’s
roommate, Stephanie, was. Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a
relationship between Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more
curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs.
Hester started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie than
met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Brian volunteered. “I know what you
must be thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates.”
About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, “Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.
You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” Brian said, “Well, I doubt it, but
I’ll send her an e-mail just to be sure.”
So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother:
I’m not saying that you “did” take the gravy ladle from the house, I’m not
saying that you “did not” take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that
one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love Brian
Several days later, Brian received a letter from his mother that read

Dear Son:
I’m not saying that you “do” sleep with Stephanie, and I’m not saying that
you “do not” sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains that if she was
sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom
P.S. LESSON OF THE DAY… NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!

*****************************************************

The English Plural
according to ….

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes;
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese;
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

]]> https://ladybugwellness.ca/a-bit-of-humor/ Wed, 18 Jul 2012 10:59:21 +0000 http://jackie.onlinebusinessinternetmarketing.com/?p=603

Laughter is the best medicine, and we have a dark and twisted sense of humor around here… Enjoy!

Karma: No need for revenge. Just sit back and wait. Those who have hurt you will eventually screw up themselves, and if you’re lucky, God will let you watch 🙂

What is a calorie? Calories are the little monsters that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter. MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THEM!

Single bells, single bells,single all the way oh what fun it is to see couples fight all day hey! 😀

DRAMA: Dumb Retards Asking for More Attention

Stupid people aren’t annoying. They are free entertainment.

Theatre Northwest play “Home Ice”, a mix of marriage, renovations and hockey…. freaking hilarious!! December 2, 2011
Fave lines: “The Canadian male: an example of all things possible, and not at all likely”. and “All men are jerks, but women are generally psychotic, so it balances out”. LMAO!!!

How to Bathe a Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power wash” and “rinse” which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
Sincerely, The Dog

************************************************
Did I? or Didn’t I?
Just a line to say I’m living,
that I’m not among the dead;
though I’m getting more forgetful
and more mixed up in the head;
for sometimes I can’t remember
when I stand at the bottom of the stairs
if I must go up for something, or I’ve
just come down from there!
And before the fridge, so often,
my poor minds so filled with doubt,
have I just put food away,
or am about to take some out?
And then there’s the time, when it gets dark out,
with my night cap on my head,
I don’t know if I’m retiring,
or just getting out of bed.
So, if its my turn to write to you
there’s no need to get sore;
I may think I have written
and don’t want to be a bore.
So remember, I do love you all,
and wish that you were here;
But, now, it’s nearly mail time
so I must say “Goodbye my dears”
Here I stand beside the mail box,
with a face so very red,
Instead of mailing you my letter,
I have opened it instead!
I’m getting used to my bifocal glasses,
and my hearing aid fits just fine,
I do enjoy my dentures.
BUT I SURE DO MISS MY MIND!!
******************

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Stop and think about it and decide on your answer ….
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend …. except one. Which animal does not attend.
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4.There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that most professionals do not have the brains of a four-year-old.

********************************************************
f you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it’s yours and will always be yours.
If it doesn’t return, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room,
Messes up your stuff,
Eats your food,
Uses your phone,
Takes your money,
And never appears to know that you set it free;

You either married it, or gave birth to it!

**********************************
Postie Joke:
Boy: Have you got a postal code tattooed in your belly button?
Girl: No, why?
Boy: Well, how do you expect to get any mail (male) in your box?

**********************
The Scotsman
Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he’d drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh
Ring di-diddle-aye-oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other, with a twinkle in her eye
“See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong and handsome built?
I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath the kilt.”

Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh
Ring di-diddlee-aye-oh
“I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath the kilt.”

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman, quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see And there behold for them
to view, beneath his Scottish skirt,
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh
Ring di-diddlee-aye-oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

They marveled for a moment then one said, “We must be gone.
Let’s leave a present for our friend before we move along.”
As a gift, they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star the Scot’s kilt did lift and show.

Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh
Ring di-diddlee-aye-oh
Around the bonnie star the Scot’s kilt did lift and show.

Now the Scotsman woke to nature’s call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice, he said to what’s before his eyes “Lad, I don’t
know where ye been, but I see ye won first prize!”

Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh
Ring di-diddlee-aye-oh
“Lad, I don’t know where ye been, but I see ye won first prize!

***********************************
BAD DAY AT THE OFFICE
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, who was sponsoring a “worst job experience” contest. Needless to say, she won. Here’s how it went:
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wet suit. This time of year, the water is quite cool. So, what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000.00 piece of crap sucks the water out of the sea, heats it to a delightful temperature, and then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints. When I get to the bottom and start working, I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit, which floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds, my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my wet suit. Now since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as! fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was a regular itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops (totaling 35 minutes) before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t crap for 2 days because my butt hole was swollen shut. So, the next time you think you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
****************************************************

EVOLUTION
All babies start out with the same number of raw cells, which over nine months, develop into a complete female baby. The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead. Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cells necessary to develop a male’s reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female. Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications centre of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop into male sexual organs. If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a deck of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak. And some of their cards are in their shorts. This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various ways. Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read. Little boys, however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls. Little girls will think about doing things before
taking any action. Little boys will just punch or kick something and will look surprised if someone asks them why they just punched their little brother who was half asleep and looking the other way. This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the
hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After puberty, not only does the size of the male and female brains differ, but the centre of thought also differs. Women think with their heads. Male thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex-brain cells reside. Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man. In some men only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with a nearly full mental capacity but they tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking. Such men are known in medical terms as “Republicans.” Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as “Democrats.” A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their groins. These men are usually referred to as……… “Mr. President.”

***********************************************
DESPERATION
I know I haven’t known you for a very long time, and I shouldn’t be asking
you for this so soon, but I need it very badly. I haven’t had it for a very
long time. I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice
and soft. If you would do this for me no one will ever have to know. I am
sure you can satisfy my needs, and I’d be very grateful if you would. I am
very desperate and I need your help. You must think by now I have a lot of
nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the
juice until it is very dry. It has been on my mind all day and I’m not going
to beat around the bush anymore. Do you have a piece of gum???

***************************

Physics Humor:
The following is an ‘actual’ question given on a Physics midterm exam.
The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So, which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct… leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a Divine Being… which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’
The student received an A+.

***********************************************
COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY
In Florida an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case
Against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, “Case dismissed!”
The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, “Your Honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays.”
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, “But they do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant.”
The lawyer said, “Your Honor, we are unaware of any special Observance or holiday for atheists.”
The judge said, “The calendar says April 1st is April Fool’s Day.
Psalm 14:1 states, ‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’
Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.”

****************************************

Only a Canadian could think of this…. from the province where drunk
driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine
police patrol parked outside a Prince George, B.C. bar. After last call the
officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely
walk. The man stumbled around the street for a few minutes, with the officer
quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five
vehicles, the man managed to find his car that he fell into! He was there
for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine
dry night) flicked the blinkers on, then off, honked the horn and then
switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed
a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more
vehicles left. At last, he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive
slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this
time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly
pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement
the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any
alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the
police station.. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”

“I doubt it, “said the truly proud Canadian, “Tonight I’m the designated
decoy.”

*******************************
Norwegian Math
A Norwegian man wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes
a little math test. “Here’s your first question,” the foreman said.
“Without using numbers, represent the number 9.” “Without numbers?” the
Norwegian says, “Dat is easy.” And he proceeds to draw three trees. “What’s
this?” the boss asks. “Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make
nine,” says the Norwegian. “Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second
question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.” The
Norwegian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he
has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. “Ere you go.” The boss
scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
“Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and
dirty tree. Dat is 99.” The boss is getting worried that he’s going to
actually have to hire this Norwegian, so he says, “All right, last
question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.” The Norwegian
stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a
little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Ere you go. One hundred.”
The boss looks at the attempt. “You must benuts if you think that represents
a hundred!” (You’re going to love this one!!!). The Norwegian leans forward
and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, “A little dog
came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd,
dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred.
So, when do I start?”

*************************
Stun gun ….. ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS.
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a “Pocket Taser”
for their anniversary.

Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse effect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety…. WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it
against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arch of
electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the
face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking
to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,
right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit
I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought
better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But if I was going to give this
thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would
work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in
one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to
cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst
would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than
three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5″ long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, “no possible way!”

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best…
I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
as to say, “don’t do it master,” reasoning that a one-second burst from such
a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I decided to give
myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to
my naked thigh, pushed the button, and
HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!

I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in
the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, “do it again, do it
again!”
Note: If you ever feel compelled to “mug” yourself with a taser, one note of
caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be
considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-… that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as
time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I
had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up
get there???
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs. I’m still looking for my testicles? I’m offering a
significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock,
Ralph
*********************************
Gotta love the post office.
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Have you been in the service?”
Yes,” he says. “I was in the armed forced for three years”
The interviewer says, “That will give you extra points toward employment”.
He then asks, “Are you disabled in any way”?
The guy says, “Yes 100%…a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off.”
The interviewer tells the guy, “O.K. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00A.M.”
The guy is puzzled and says, “If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?”
“This is a government job” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”

****************************************
Gates vs. GM
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
“If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”
In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash…….. twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.
Please share this with your friends who love – but sometimes hate – their computer!

**************************
Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold
water to clean.
Frank went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded,
rural area of Georgia.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, Frank’s
grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, Frank
noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and questioned his
grandfather asking, “Are these plates clean?”
His grandfather replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!”
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, Frank was concerned about
the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that
looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”
Without looking up the old man said, “I told you before, Sonny, those
dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I
don’t want to hear another word about it!”
Later that afternoon, Frank was on his way to a nearby town and, as he
was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let
him pass. Frank yelled and said, “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me
get to my car”.
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching
on TV, the old man shouted…

“COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!”

**********************************************
MANURE:
Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer’s invention, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term “Ship High In Transit” on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term “S.H.I.T ” , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.
Neither did I.
I had always thought it was a golf term.

****************************************************

(From my adopt-a-daughter Tasoula)
You Know You’re Greek When…

1) You’re 5’4″, can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still
cry when your mother yells at you.
2) Your uncle owns a restaurant, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives
a ’76 Monte Carlo.
3) You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a
$45,000 Camaro.
4) Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all
blood relatives.
5) You have a relative that has done something that required the IRS to
threaten him.
6) Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law’s brother-in-law.
7) You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 dance clubs.
8) Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by
wearing your “Just Do Me” tank top to Wasaga.
9) At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
10) All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
11) A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you the
title of “professor” among your aunts.
12) You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
13) If someone in your family grows beyond 5′ 9″, it is presumed his mother
had an affair.
14) There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.
15) You netted more than $50,000 on your baptism.
16) At some point in your life, you waited tables.
17) 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say “Embros”(hello) when
answering the phone.
18) You are an adult and are forced to be with your family at 12 midnight on
New Year’s Eve.
19) Upon meeting another Greek, one of your first questions is, “what church
do you go to”?
20) Your grandmother/mother/aunt has a miracle cure for every ailment under
the sun.
21) You can name any or all of the gods on Mount Olympus.
22) Your mother or father still feel the need to tell you, “katse
kala”(behave) in public.
23) You have been hit with a “pandofla”(slipper) or a “koutala”(wooden
spoon) or a “lourithi”(belt).
24) You can dance the kalamatiano, tsamiko or zebekiko without music(greek
folk dances).
25) You or a family member have been photographed with a donkey.
26) You must name your children after your parents, grandparents, or
in-laws.
27) You have at least 5 Maria’s, 9 Dimitri’s, 5 Niko’s, 6 George’s and 4
Yanni’s in the family.
28) You have ever heard the phrase, “Sto leo yia to kalo sou”(i’m telling
yout his for your own good).
29) Your parents have ever made up the name of a street or store or tv show
because they couldn’t remember it or pronounce it.
30) Upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what village they’re
from.
31) You have ever been threatened by a Greek School Teacher.
32) You still get threatened by a Greek School Teacher even though you’re 30
yrs old.
33) You have been spanked by your friend’s parents because your parents gave
them permission to.
34) You have a bottle of OUZO(greek alcohol) in your house right now.
35) You know what a “komboloi”(beeded bracelet held in the hand that older
men tend to fiddle around with) is.
36) You know how to work a “komboloi”.
37) When you were younger and going on car trips you always had to sit on
someone’s lap in the front or back seat.
38) You were ever threatened to be eaten by the “mavro pontiki”(black mouse)
when you were little.
39) Someone in your family owns or works in any type of restaurant.
40) You are surprised to learn that the local pet store does not sell goats.
41) You can’t understand why McDonald’s rejected your idea for the “McFeta”
Burger.
42) Your entire house is a needlepoint warehouse!
43) You eat Vanilla with a spoon from the jar.
44) You have at least 2 kitchens in your house and a lamb roaster in your
backyard.
45) Your parents keep the unclaimed $$$$$ in old moth ball smelling coat
pockets.
46) At Weddings the karta(card) is determined on the amount of food, the
type of band, if the couple is Greek and whether you are convinced the
marriage will last.
47) You make up your own Greco-American language :For e.g. Carro (car), Moovare(move), Wassemassini(washing machine), bassi(bus).
48) You can always go to yiayia or papou to curse out your parents and all
they do is soothe you and feed you karpouzi(watermelon).
49) You have been given the evil eye by your mother in public and/or the
biting of the forefinger knuckle.
50) You were the first one to get cable on your block, but the last to have
it legally.
51) You dread kissing everyone at family gatherings, because you wind up
smelling like armpits at the end of the night.
52) You’ve been embarrassed by Mom or Dad in stores because they expect the
Greek discount and ask to waive the tax if they pay in cash.
*************************************************************

The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep
the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a
thunderstorm and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the
scent of fresh butter fat.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle and the air is
filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
So far I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle…..

*******************************

How to deal with those annoying ‘Telemarketers’
The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with, “Is this Karl Brummer”. Not sounding anything like my name, I asked who is calling. The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer Company or something like that. Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why was he calling this number. I then said off to the side, “get some pictures of the body at various angles and the blood smears”, I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to testify in this murder case. I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position and the police were entering the building to take him into custody, at that point I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away. My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn’t tell her for about fifteen minutes. My meal was cold, but it was the best meal in a long, long time….

********************

It’s Soooo Hot!
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up
lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add
butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying
boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.

*******************************

**************************

Humor with Pets
Pastor Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his Church. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. He did! All the while, checking his progress in the car frequently, then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went “boing!” and the kitten instantly sailed through the air-out of sight. The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they’d seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, “Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,” and went on about his business.
A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. Now this woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, “Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?” She replied, “You won’t believe this,” and told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, “Well if God gives you a cat, I’ll let you keep it.” She told the pastor, “I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won’t believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her.”
Never underestimate the Power of God and His unique sense of humor.

******************

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go ?
Wonder no more!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic
Bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will
Mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of
Compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other
Members of the family and social circle have been
Known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial
Wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for
The dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle
Around the fresh grave and sing:
“Freeze a jolly good fellow
Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
Then they kick him in the ice hole.

****************************
Cat Lover or not, this is hysterical!
We’ve all had trouble with our animals, but I don’t think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I’m lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife’s wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was
no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. “Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.” “You know where the button is,” I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. “Reset it yourself!”
“But I’m scared!” she persisted. “What if it starts going and sucks me in?” There was a meaningful pause and then, “C’mon, it’ll only take you a second.” So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn’t the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.
It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a “fight or flight” syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the “flight” option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of “been-there, done-that”
paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter……and not succeeding.
Somehow, I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury, I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. “What’s the matter?” They all asked, “Cat got your tongue?”
If they only knew!
Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

The Three Little Pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took
their drink order.
“I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy.
“I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
“I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggy.
“I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table
and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
“I want a banana split,” said the first piggy.
“I want a cheesecake,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” exclaimed the third little piggy.
“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the third little piggy,”
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?”
You’re gonna LOVE me for this… The third piggy says –
“Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

This is a story about A Fly, a Fish, a Bear, A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.
There is a moral to this story……
In the dead of summer, a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream. The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular, ‘Gosh..
If I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water And I will be refreshed.’
There was a fish in the water thinking, ‘Gosh…if that fly goes Down three inches, I can eat him.’
There was a bear on the shore thinking, ‘Gosh…if that fly Goes down three inches That fish will jump for the fly….
And I will grab the fish!!’
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank Of The lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich….’Gosh,’ he
Thought, ‘if that fly goes down three inches… And that Fish leaps for it…That bear will expose himself and grab
For the fish. I’ll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.’
Now, you probably think this is enough activity on one river Bank, But I can tell you there’s more…
A wee mouse by the hunter’s foot was thinking, ‘Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches… And that fish
Jumps for that fly… And that bear grabs for that fish. The dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his Cheese sandwich.’
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, As was fashionable to do on the banks of This particular River around lunch time) ‘Gosh…if that fly goes down Three inches… And that fish jumps for that fly and that bear Grabs for that fish and that hunter shoots that bear. And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich, then I Can have mouse for lunch.’
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water. The fish swallows the fly…
The bear grabs the fish…
The hunter shoots the bear…
The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich…
The cat jumps for the mouse…
The mouse ducks…
The cat falls into the water and drowns.
NOW, The Moral of The Story….
Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some pussy’s gonna be in serious danger.
Didn’t see that one coming, did you?

Geriatric Funnies
Since more and more seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).
ATD: At The Doctor’s
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Whe…elchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL… CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil

WHEN I’M AN OLD LADY

When I’m an old lady, I’ll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness … Just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they’ve provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they’ll be so excited!
When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.

I’ll write on the walls with reds, whites and blues,
And I’ll bounce on the furniture. Wearing my shoes.
I’ll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I’ll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they’ll shout!
When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.

When they’re on the phone and just out of reach,
I’ll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they’ll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,

I’ll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I’ll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry… I’ll run … If I’m able!
When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.

I’ll sit close to the TV, through the channels I’ll click,
I’ll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I’ll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud until the end of the day!
When I’m an old lady and live with my kids.

And later in bed, I’ll lay back and sigh,
I’ll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, “She’s so sweet when she’s sleeping!”

Blessings All Moms and Grandmas Everywhere
*****************************************************

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat the pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. “Miss Beatrice”, he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” pointing to the bowl.
“Oh, yes,” she replied, “Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter.”

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that’s not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it’s especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here’s the worst of it — Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter…..either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you’re It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to
go along.
3. Getting a little action means I don’t need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

Retirement:
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went to Worthing and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, ‘Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?’
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So my wife called him a s***head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn’t care. We came into town by bus.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s important at our age.

Oh, I Wish I’d Looked After Me Tits
By Pam Ayres

Oh, I wish I’d looked after me dear old knockers,
Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers,
Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers,
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me tits.
‘Cos now I’m much older and gravity’s winning.
It’s Nature’s revenge for all that sinning,
And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming,
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me tits.
‘Cos tits can be such troublesome things
When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing.
And although they go well with my Bingo wings,
I wish I’d looked after me tits.
When they’re both long enough to tie up in a bow,
When it’s not the sweet chariot that swings low,
When they’re less of a friend and more of a foe,
Then I wish I’d looked after me tits.
When I was young, I got whistles and hoots,
From the men on the site to the men in the suits,
Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots,
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me tits.
When I was younger, I rode bikes and scooters,
Cruising around with my favourite suitors.
Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters,
I wish I’d looked after me tits.
When they follow behind and get trapped in the door,
When they’re less in the air and more near the floor,
When people see less of them rather than more,
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me tits.
****************************************

HOW IS NORMA? (funny and sad…)
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph ‘s Hospital.
She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”
The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?”
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous > voice> said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302″. The operator replied, “Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room.”
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, “I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.”
The grandmother said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news.”
The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”
The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything!”

*****************************************

Gotta love the honesty of grandmas:
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”
She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”
********************************************

ABOUT GROWING OLDER…

First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get; the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

Desiderata

*************************************************************************************************
My friend Kim Conrad does FB live readings. This is her version of this classic poem:

Kim Conrad November 2 2022
“Desiderata” Revisited & the Original by Max Ehrmann
In Gratitude to Max Ehrmann for his poem “Desiderata”
With grace & kindness I offer my collaborative version for today as my heart sings it
I am posting this collaborative version first and then Max Ehrmann’s original version written in 1927 ❤
“Desiderata” Revisited – Kim Conrad
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there is in silence.
As far as possible, without giving up your innate, heart filling truths of life, strive to be on good terms with all persons, including yourself. Uncover lost woundings from ongoing triggers so that you may heal to greater heights than ever before.
Speak your truth caringly, clearly, with deep listening and intentions of finding common ground and collaborative capacities;
With openness and a desire to understand inquire and listen to others, even those who might appear to be less educated or experienced in certain areas of life than you – they too have their story.
And – they likely have experience in areas where you do not yet.
Listen, Explore, Learn and Rise again anew with new eyes and new ears.
We can All learn from each other and come to understand, when we choose, that we All have pains, we All have joys, desires and dreams; we All have actions and reactions – those survival patterns often unconsciously chosen; we All have music to sing, we All have value to add to this world.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit and are often masters at convincing others to think and do things that do not serve the convinced; they serve the convincer.
When we are vexed, pause, step away, give space to view
from a distance with the intention to walk around the circle of
that circumstance to see from many different viewing points.
Breathe.
Actions taken from a triggered place will at some point backfire.
Space adds grace.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and ‘considered’ lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans!
Keep interested in your own career, your own calling;
it is a cherished treasure in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world does have trickery.
Yet let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it can be as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully letting go the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
And do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, we can create greater value than any cost. Therefore be at peace with the Sacred essence of life – whatever you conceive that Sacredness of Life to be.
And – whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, continually nurture and expand peace in your soul.
With all its challenges, this is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. What can you give gratitude for?
And what moments can you receive that bring you joy?
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. – by Kim Conrad based from Max Ehrmann’s “Desiderata”

They are your protection
When life seems too hard to bear.
And though you feel alone at times,
The angels … they are there.

Their faces may be hidden
And their voices you might not hear,
But they are ALWAYS with you,
Through your laughter or your tears.

They’ll walk along beside you,
They’ll guide your steps along the way.
They comfort you and hold you,
Protect you night and day.

They’ll hold your hand tightly,
They’ll not ever let it go.
And they’ll gently lead you forward,
Taking each step very slow.

For even as you slumber,
They watch closely over you.
They are there beside you
In each and every thing you do.

When life is overwhelming,
And your spirit has grown tired,
Know they’ll be there for you,
To uplift and to inspire.

And when you’re torn and lonely,
And you see no hope ahead,
Know that they will nourish you,
Your spirit will be fed.

And if there comes a time in life
That your heart has been broken,
Hear the words, “I’m here, my child,”
And know your angel has spoken.

For even in the darkest hour,
When all of hope seems gone,
They’ll give you strength to live your life,
And desire to go on.

And when the time comes
For you to say “goodbye,”
The angels will be with you,
They will lift you to the skies.

Take comfort in their guidance,
Draw strength from up above,
And know that their sweet presence,
Is God’s precious gift of love.

~ Leigh Engel ~

**************************************

It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails. You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways. Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life – the gift of love will come to you in full flower. Take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on. Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in any way you can. There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away. Remember this and keep it to your heart. Love has its time, its own season, its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery. BE GLAD THAT IT CAME TO LIVE FOR A MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE. If you keep you heart open, it will come again… When your at peace with yourself and you love your self, its virtually impossible for you to do things to yourself that are destructive. When you get enough inner peace and feel really positive about yourself, its almost impossible for you to be controlled or manipulated by anyone else. The more you extend kindness to yourself the more it will become your natural response to others A secret of abundance is to stop focusing on what you do not have and shift your consciousness to an appreciation for all that you do have When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny. When there is no turning back, then we should concern ourselves only with the best way of going forward.

Thankfully this is not from personal experience, I’ve just been close enough to a few people to have seen the effects….

Here’s another poem I found about Crystal Meth:

I’m more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember I’m easily found,
I live all around you – in schools and in town.

I live with the rich, I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.

I’m made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.

In your child’s closet, and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.

I have many names, but there’s one you know best,
I’m sure you’ve heard of me, my name is crystal meth.

My power is awesome, try me you’ll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I’ll own your soul.

When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie,
You do what you have to — just to get high.

The crimes you’ll commit for my narcotic charms
Will be worth the pleasure you’ll feel in your arms.

You’ll lie to your mother, you’ll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.

But you’ll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I’ll be your conscience, I’ll teach you my ways.

I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.

I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I’ll be with you always — right by your side.

You’ll give up everything – your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you’ll be alone.

I’ll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I’m finished with you, you’ll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned – this is no game,
If given the chance, I’ll drive you insane.

I’ll ravish your body, I’ll control your mind,
I’ll own you completely, your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I’ll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you’ll hear, from inside your head.

The sweats, the shakes, the visions you’ll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.

But then it’s too late, and you’ll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.

You’ll regret that you tried me, they always do.
But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.

You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?

I’ll be your master, you will be my slave,
I’ll even go with you, when you go to your grave.

Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It’s all up to you.

I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.

Judy West

Sad reality for addicts:

I have come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. I want to make you restless so you can never relax. I want to make you jumpy, nervous, and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable.
I want you to be confused and depressed, so that you can’t think clearly and positively. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the things you have done in the past and you’ll never be able to let go of. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but me for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you feel fearful and paranoid for no reason at all. I want to make you wake up all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can’t sleep without me, I’m even in your dreams. I want to be the first thing you think about every morning and the last thing you think about before you black-out.
I’d rather kill you, but I’d be happy enough to put you back in the hospital, another institution, or jail. But you know that I’ll be waiting for you when you get out. I love to watch you slowly go insane. I can’t help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake; when you freeze and sweat at the same time; when you wake up with the sheets and blankets soaking wet. It’s amusing to watch you ignore yourself; not eating, not sleeping, not even attending your personal hygiene.
Yes, it’s amazing how much destruction I can be to your internal organs while at the same time working on your brain, destroying it bit by bit.
I deeply appreciate how much you are sacrificing for me. The countless good jobs you have given up for me; all the friends that you deeply cared for, you gave up for me.
And what’s more, the ones you turned yourself against because of your inexcusable actions. I am eternally grateful, especially for the loved ones, family and the more important people in the world that you have turned yourself against. You threw even those away for me!
But do not despair, my friend, for on me you can always depend. After you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living HELL, mind, body, and soul. For I will not be satisfied until you ARE DEAD, my friend.
Forever Yours,
Your Addiction

Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed.

It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes a chance.
It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give.
And the soul, afraid of dyin', that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows,
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes The Rose.
 

There Are Periods of Time

After A While…

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run –
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And – which is more – you'll be a Man my son!

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

“In life we all go through difficult times, I don’t want an answer, I need to search deep in my heart for the answer. All I need is for you to be my friend like you said you are, stand beside me and hold my hand and open your heart to understand. And I promise when you are going through a difficult time, I will stand beside you and hold your hand and my heart will be open to understand your situation, while you find your answer.” (From my dear friend Rachelle Delorey 🙂

A strong friendship doesn’t need daily conversation; doesn’t always need togetherness. As long as the friendship lives in the heart, true friends will never part.

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them out just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away. ~ George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans)

The most I can do for a friend is simply to be his friend. ~Henry D. Thoreau

When you see misery in your brother’s face, let him see mercy in yours.

Friendship is one mind in two bodies. ~Mencius

Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend. ~Albert Camus

Friends are God’s way of taking care of us.

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don’t say.

We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere. ~Tim McGraw

A friend is someone who knows all about you— And still likes you.

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. ~Aristotle

Dogs have more friends because they wag their tails and not their tongues.

A friend will make you laugh, but a true friend will bring tears to your eyes.

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you. ~Winnie the Pooh

True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost. ~Charles Caleb Colton

Without friends, you’re like a book that nobody bothers to pick up.

You can’t help someone up a hill without getting closer to the top yourself. ~General H. Norman Schwarzkopf

There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend. ~Katharine Butler Hathaway

***************************

Begin the day with friendliness.
Keep friendly all day long.
Keep in your soul a friendly thought–
In your heart a friendly song.
Have in your mind a word of cheer
For all who come your way,
And they will greet you too, in turn–
And wish you a happy day.

***********************
Friendship needs no studied phrases,
Polished face or winning wiles;
Friendship deals no lavish praises;
Friendship dons no surface smiles.
Friendship follows Nature’s diction,
Shuns the blandishments of Art,
Boldly severs truth from fiction,
Speaks the language of the heart.
Friendship favors no condition,
Scorns a narrow-minded creed,
Lovingly fills its mission,
Be it word or be it deed.
Friendship– Pure, unselfish friendship
All through life’s allotted span,
Nurtures, strengthens, widens, lengthens
Man’s relationship with man. ~Author Unknown

****************
New friends we surely welcome
Yet ones that mean so much
Are endeared by fond memories
Of friendship’s velvet touch.
Our lives are filled with simple joys,
And blessings without end,
And one of the greatest joys of all
Is to have, or be a friend.

**************

It’s the little things
that matter,
That add up in the end
To the priceless,
thrilling magic
Found only in a friend.

*************

A smile should always follow you
Everywhere to the end,
So keep that smile forever….
And forever you’ll keep a friend.

***********

Friendship is a sunny garden
Where God’s placed flowers fair,
And just the rarest kind
Will ever blossom there!

**************

We all have special treasures
That in memory transcend…
One of the very dearest is
An old, cherished friend.

***********

Just to keep in touch with someone
And to understand their need,
Just to share with them your friendship
Is a privilege indeed.

*************

May love and happiness
Be yours
Each moment…
Every hour.
May friendship’s warmth
And glow
Bud in your heart,
And flower.

***************

Friendship is
a blossom that
Unlike nature’s flowers
survives the winds
And winter’s chills
And blooms in
Darkest hours.

*************

Before the day has ended
Try to do some worthwhile thing;
Help ease another’s burden
And make a sad heart sing

***************

May you share your many blessings
With someone else along the way…
For thus you’ll find the beauty
And joy of each new day.

****************

The world calls it
“Friendship”
But I’ve known from the start
It’s a miraculous gift
Straight from God’s loving heart

************

Life gives us seasons without end, but life’s nicest gift is a friend.

When you cheer someone who’s blue, it cheers your day a little, too.

It’s always sunny weather when friends are together.

When seeming most alone,
Friends are around us,
Though no word be spoken. ~Longfellow

Good Lesson in Friendship: TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT. DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE IN THE FACE. THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING, WROTE IN THE SAND: “TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.” THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS, WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM. AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING, HE WROTE ON A STONE: “TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.” THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND ASKED HIM, “AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW, YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?” THE OTHER FRIEND REPLIED, “WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND WHERE WINDS OF FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY. BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US, WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT.”
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.
THEY SAY IT TAKES A MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL PERSON, AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN AN ENTIRE LIFE TO FORGET THEM.

Apologizing does not always mean you are wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego.

The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world. ― Marianne Williamson

Loving someone is giving them the power to destroy you, yet trusting them enough not to.

When you are important to another person that person will always find a way to make time for you, no excuses, no lies, no broken promises…

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. -Bob Marley

Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be. — Samuel Johnson, English Author

‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’ 1 Cor. 13:4-7

(Even friendship is a form of ‘commitment’ that shouldn’t be so easily throw away).
Commitment isn’t about how much time you spend doing things – it’s a line you cross with yourself.

Failing to make a commitment will dissipate your energies rather than focusing them.

Relationships—of all kinds—are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold on to some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold on too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost. ~Kaleel Jamieson, The Nibble Theory  

“Why did you do all this for me?’ he asked. ‘I don’t deserve it. I’ve never done anything for you.’ ‘You have been my friend,’ replied Charlotte. ‘That in itself is a tremendous thing.” ― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.  Quentin Crisp

Reconciliation is to understand both sides; to go to one side and describe the suffering being endured by the other side, and then go to the other side and describe the suffering being endured by the first side. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

“The overall purpose of human communication is – or should be – reconciliation. It should ultimately serve to lower or remove the walls of misunderstanding which unduly separate us human beings, one from another.” ― M. Scott Peck, The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace

COMMITMENT IS SIMPLY DOING “WHAT’S REQUIRED” TO GET THE RESULT YOU INTEND.

If you are 90% committed, then the remaining 10% serves as a breeding ground for excuses and for non-performance. You can be committed to things that both empower and disempower you.

A COMMITMENT IS A DECLARATION THAT YOU SPEAK INTO EXISTENCE THAT ALTERS BEHAVIOR AND PRODUCES RESULTS.

The question to consider is not “Am I committed?” It is “What am I committed to?” There is no such thing as a life without commitment. You are already living a host of commitments, whether or not you are aware of it.

When I am unclear about my commitment, I maintain my image.
When I am clear about my commitment, I maintain my integrity.
When I am unclear about my commitment, I am dull and confused.
When I am clear about my commitment, I am intentional and direct.
When I am unclear about my commitment, I procrastinate.
When I am clear about my commitment, I act.

In life there are people that will hurt us and causes us pain, but we must learn to forgive and forget and not hold grudges….. In life there are mistakes we will make, but we must learn from our wrongs and grow from them.. In life there are people we will lose forever and can’t have back but we must learn to let go and move on.. Everything in life happens for a reason even if we don’t understand….

When someone has been mean to you, why would you want to be good to them? You wouldn’t want to. That’s what makes it hard. You do it anyway. Being good is hard. Much harder than being bad.” ― Jeanne DuPrau, The People of Sparks

To love a person is to learn the song in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten. ~Anonymous

“I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.” ― Jon Katz

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.
* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness
* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment.
* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective.
* If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.
So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.

“A true friend is consistently willing to put your happiness before your friendship.”

Never undervalue anyone
Keep each friend safe in your heart
Because one day you may realize
and notice that you’ve lost a diamond,
while you were too busy collecting stones.

I wish you Health…
So you may enjoy each day in comfort.
I wish you the Love of friends and family…
And Peace within your heart.
I wish you the Beauty of nature…
That you may enjoy the work of God.
I wish you Wisdom to choose priorities…
For those things that really matter in life.
I wish you Generosity so you may share…
All good things that come to you.
I wish you Happiness and Joy…
And Blessings throughout the year.
I wish you the best of everything…
That you so well deserve.

******************
Threads of a Friendship that will never break

Thank you for the laughter,
The good times that we share.
Thanks for always listening
For trying to be fair.

Thank you for your comfort,
When things are going bad.
Thank you for your shoulder
to cry on when I’m sad.

This gift is a reminder
That all my lifetime through
I’ll be thanking heaven for
A Special Friend like you!

******************
Friendship Survival kit
Toothpick: pick out the good qualities in everyone, including yourself
Band Aid: to remind you to heal hurt feelings, either yours or someone else’s
Mint: you are worth a mint to your family and friends
Guardian angel: Because everyone needs one
Eraser: to remind you that everyone makes mistakes. That’s ok, we learn by our errors.
Velcro Dot: so you can keep things together
Gum: to remind you to stick to it and you can accomplish anything
Cotton Ball: to cushion the bumpy road ahead
Rock: to remember the stability of friendship
Candle: to light up friendship and share it with others
Rubber band: to remind you to be flexible. Things may not always go the way we want but it can be worked out.
Candy kiss: to remind you everyone needs a hug or a compliment every day
Pencil: to write down your day’s blessings
Tea bag: to remind you to relax daily and go over that list of blessings. It’s what makes life worth living!!

**********************

Thank-You for Being My Friend

When things are confused
I discuss them with you
Until they make sense.

When something good happens
You are the first person I tell
So I can share my happiness.

When I don’t know what to do in a situation
I ask your opinion
And weigh it heavily with mine.

When I am lonely
I call you,
Because I never feel alone with you.

When I have a problem
I ask for your help,
Because you wiseness helps me to solve it.

When I want to have fun
I want to be with you,
Because we have such a great time together.

When I want to talk to someone
I always talk to you,
Because you understand me.

When I want the truth about something
I call you–because you are so honest.

It is essential to have you in my life,
Thank-you for being my friend.
~Susan Polis Schutz

**********************
Please, Just Listen
When I ask you to listen to me, and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me, and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All asked was that you listen, not talk or do….just hear.
Advice is cheap: Twenty cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself. I’m not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
But when you accept, as a simple fact, that I do feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.
And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them.
So please listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, and I’ll listen to you.

**********************
Your Best Friend
If I have to be your best friend
If that’s all I can get
Then I’ll take the job with honor
I’ll be the best one yet.

I’ll offer you my shoulder
I’ll show you how I care
I’ll be there when you need me
I’m not going anywhere.

If I have to be your best friend
The one who hears you cry
Then I’ll take the job with honor
I’ll take the job with pride.

My love for you is stronger
Than you will ever know
But for you to ever love me
I will have to let you go.

You need time to find your purpose
You need time to sort your thoughts
But when the course has ended
And the race is finally run,

Remember it’s your best friend
Who has loved you from day one.

*******************
Around The Corner
Around the corner I have a friend
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell,
And he rang mine.
We were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
“Just to show that I’m thinking of him.”
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner! -yet miles away.
Here’s a telegram sir – “Jim died today.”
And that’s what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
~Lucille Laduc

**********************

I Must Go Shopping
One of these days, I must go shopping. I am completely out of generosity and I must get some more. I also want to exchange the self-satisfaction I picked up the other day for some real humility, which they say wears better. I must look at some tolerance, and the samples of kindness, one can never have too much of that. I’ll try to match the patience I saw on a friend the other day; it looked quite becoming on her; I think it will look equally good on me. While shopping, I’ll try on that suit of charity on display. I must remember to get my sense of humor mended and keep my eyes open for some inexpensive goodness. It is surprising how quickly one’s stock is depleted. Yes, I must go shopping.

********************

I have a fascination with words and language itself. I have been collecting little sayings, quotes, and poems since high school. I started with some little sayings that were in my workbooks at private school. From then on, my sources were endless. I saved anything that was touching or inspirational in some way. I had a book full of these things, but whenever I loaned this book to friends, I had a hard time getting it back. With my spunky type of personality I usually am a cheering committee, all on my own, for friends who are down. So the idea of a website to share these compilations was born.

“Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear, Livin’ on a Prayer” ~Bon Jovi

The Sayings, Poems and Stories are a collection of some things I’ve grown to believe in, whether they are serious or silly. It is my hope that all who read what is contained here will find something worthwhile–no matter what you may believe in. This part of my website has been online since 1998. Since then I have added more and more to the inspiration as well as including resources, favorites, etc… anything that has helped me along my journey in life that I feel may benefit others in sharing with the world 🙂 

Humor:  Laughter is the best medicine. Warning: I do have a twisted sense of humor. These are a collection from friends over the years.

Resources: These are things that I have learned and have found useful over the years. Hopefully you will find something interesting here as well.

Site Map here: https://ladybugwellness.ca/site-map/