July 20 2020: This was written by my dear friend Nataša Martinec . So true, and I feel very blessed that I have a wonderful list of clients who are willing to step up in their own power and do their own work. I am a facilitator, not a fixer. My clients are Victors, not victims. Some people just don’t want to get well because their plight gets them attention.
I love that our work with energy balancing does not need details and yet gets to the root issues.
I have had my time of doing too much, martyrdom. It is draining.
I am all about self empowerment now.
Why I don’t work with “victims”
By saying that I don’t mean to say that I don’t work with victims of abuse, neglect or something like that, I mean I don’t work with people who are still locked in “victimhood” way of thinking!
I have had a fair share of “victims” in my life, both as clients and privately (yes, empath in me wanted to help everybody to be happy, so no wonder I was attracting those types into my life, but not anymore)!
So, why don’t I work with “victims” anymore, you might ask yourself?
Because I have learnt my lesson! “Victims” don’t want to be helped, they don’t want to heal and they are not ready to change and take full responsibility for their lives. All they want is a shoulder to cry on, someone who will listen to their constant struggle and drama and they have ZERO interest in solutions.
Probably they are scared of who would they be if they would not have their problems? God forbid that! They would be lost and they would lose their identity.
So, my only advice if you meet a victim is: RUUUN! Run as fast as you can and don’t look back! Don’t worry, they are not running after you anyhow, they have already found a new shoulder to cry on. So don’t feel bad, don’t feel guilty, actually you have done both of you a huge favor.
First of all, you have set up a new, healthy boundary for yourself! Just keep on doing that and at one point you will cease to attract “victims” into your life. When a lesson is learnt there is no need to repeat it in life. This is how Universe works. Lessons repeat themselves only until we learn. Once we learn, we are free to move on.
Secondly, you did a favor to a victim person too. Because, one day (hopefully) they will run out of shoulders to cry on and then (maybe) they will look around, realize there is nobody to save them, so they will start saving themselves. So, in the long run, this is win- win for both parties!
Boundaries are gift for you and empowerment is a gift to an ex “victim”!
From my own social media post: July 20 2014:
The greatest wisdom you will ever find is at the feet of an elderly person. I have been privileged over my years to listen to many life experiences from our older generation, from friends, loved ones and even clients. There are times I have my own contemplating thoughts and this is one of those times.
How is it that some people, mostly the older generation can have so much compassion and understanding. You can see their naked soul in their eyes, a depth that surpasses what many younger people cannot fathom. Often when you listen to their life story you will find some of the most atrocious things they have suffered through. Heartaches of loved ones lost, some have lived through war times, and times of lack. Yet these people see the beauty in life, appreciate simplicity, their eyes have a glimmer of hope and their hands hand such a gentle touch of understanding. They are survivors, they are strong and they are generous in their praise of others seeing only the good in others.
On the flip side, I also see people who have suffered a mere slight in comparison. Errant words they have taken personally as insults, a rejection, an upset. Their reaction is to hurt others whether they understand what they are doing or not. They can appear to be nice, but they are manipulative, trying to control the world around them and damaging other in the process. Psychology suggests that life experiences play a part in how a person thrives, reacts, grows or doesnt grow. So what is the difference, the flipped switch in whether a person turns into a survivor or a victim? I know of a few people who, to me, are the kindest souls ever and yet they have endured nasty divorces, rejection from their children, some have even lost family members through freak accidents or sickness. They still survive, and they still smile and hope. I know others who have been slighted by an ex, or had a crappy childhood with parents who took their own issues out on their kids. These others seem to have developed a sense of entitlement, that the world owes them, and they play the whole poor me syndrome in pulling anyone and everyone into their misery.
What is the secret that will ever jilt victims into being survivors rather than being a drain on society? I sometimes see what kind of TV programs are available these days and it saddens me that some of those shows just fuel these victims.
Yup, contemplating moments…
Some examples to think about: David Pelzer the child called IT, grew up to be an inspirational speaker. Ted Bundy was studying law and was a good looking psychopath killer. They apparently is a case where identical twins had a upsetting childhood yet one turned out to be a pastor, the other ended up on death row. Many of the Rwandan genocide survivors have forgiven their persecutors. I know a story of a missionary who went back to save the very people who killed his parents. What is the switch that brings about forgiveness, acceptance and compassion????
Cathy Fortin: Very deep
Eileen Wray: Wow very well said.. do you mind if I share your thoughts?
Lucia Francessca Martinig: What about Cory Ten Boom who’s whole family were taken by Hitler’s army and thrown into work camp, where there most of her family died. They were arrested for hiding the Jews. Years later Cory was released and she went around the world sharing her story and the love of Jesus. There was a time she came face to face with one of the men from the camp that beat her and other women in the camp. She spoke to h and forgave him for what he had done and he was set free. Thank for sharing Jackie. I’m working with the elderly and how they bless me. You’re a wonderful writer, well said.
Jackie N. Rioux: Thank Lucia. Lots of wonderful stories of forgiveness and acceptance. The question remains though, how or what is the catalyst that brings a person to the point of being able to forgive and accept others, to not play victim anymore? Of the stories I know there seems to be a common denominator of recognition of a higher power/ something greater than ourselves, a recognition of the connectedness of humankind. Still, what brings a person to that point of recognition? Do people have to suffer greatly? Hit bottom, endure loneliness? Is it human nature to have such shock value and drama pushing limits to the point of no return and therefore force change? Yup, getting deeper n deeper lol
2017: Jackie N. Rioux Wow… I forgot I wrote that. Still relevant…
2018: Jackie N. Rioux I have been coming across a few things i wrote a long time ago. Definitely contemplative thoughts
2019: Jackie N. Rioux Came up in memories and yet again i think “holy sh*t. I wrote that?” Lol… Still relevant
2019: Denise Homer-Goodwin Jackie… For me it is because of Christ and what He did for me. Yes He healed me from traumas and also died for me so I can live now and eternally. It is because of Him that I love others and forgive them as He has done for me. I am full of joy and peace because of Him. My Mom who is 95 and healthy and sharp feels the same way. He has walked beside her all her life and continue to bless her. She is full of hope and faith. It shows on her and she glows❤.
2019: Nataša Martinec Lovely words Jackie! Thank you! I would say that level of consciousness is what would determine how person will turn out in the end in spite of all things happening to him/her. I remember talking to a friend of mine about one person who on the surface had it all to be happy, successful person but she turned out as drug addict and alcoholic. I was wondering why and then my friend told me something I would always remember: “I just think we haven’t all came to Earth equally strong and equipped, some of us just get broken”. That made me even more determined to do as much work as I can for sake of my own level of consciousness. Hope this makes sense Jackie N. Rioux?
2019: Jackie N. Rioux Totally
2019: Marsha Greene Such a lovely memory Jackie, thanks so much for sharing.