Yes this is one of my GRIT writings, but it needs its own page.

July 22 2020

Day of GRIT: # 19 of 28

METRIC: Wednesday Palooza F2

FINISHER: F4

CONTEXT: “No Subject is Off-Limits…”

The horse story, and my own naivety…

Having had some early life experiences before my same age friends, I was usually the one they turned to for a shoulder when they went through similar life upsets. Many times I was told I should be a counsellor. Nope. NOT my thing. I did not want to be a professional in that field. Personally, talk therapy never worked well for me anyway. I love my life now working with energy balancing, and just eradicating the root cause of issues, disconnecting the emotional charge of upsets without having to relive the ordeals.

Although I am not a counselor, I have always had a fascination with science, psychology, and human behavior. In working with clients, I still need to be open to any subject, and many of those topics can be past traumas and quite serious upsets, IF they choose to share some of those details with me.

On the other hand, through my own past traumas, I have developed quite a twisted sense of humor.

I am smart, because I have been ignorant. I am wise, because I have been stupid. Lack of knowledge is not necessarily ignorance.  And not many subjects are off limits with me. Go ahead. Ask me anything. Just be forewarned that you may not like or appreciate my answer.

Since we’re opening that can of worms, let me explain the horse story, and how naive I was at one time.

To start off, I am from a family of four girls. My birds and the bees talk was an exasperated explanation after my babysitter mentioned “period”, then told me to ask mom.  (Sorry Mom lol).

Let’s go back to about 10 years old. There was a horse living across the street from our house. I used to go over and hang on the fence and I learned how to hold my hand straight out to feed this horse. Well, one day, the horse didn’t come trotting over like he normally did. He stood in the middle of the pen and shifted his back legs. Then, as this soon to be absolutely mortified 10 year old child watched… a third leg descended to the ground and left a large puddle. Then this leg retracted, and the horse happily came over for some treats. 😕

Fast forward a few years to age 16. I knew a few of the birds and the bees topics by then, but still took a dare to “play with it” when I went camping with a girlfriend and a certain boy tagged along. Well, two weeks later, I got pregnant. Oops.

Next, I had to go to the doctor. I was awfully shy. He asked me how old I was, if I had a boyfriend, and if I thought I was pregnant. I sheepishly nodded to his questions. Then he explained the procedure to do this pregnancy check. WHAT???????? YIKES!!  The doctor told me “Well, it went in that way, how do you think it’s coming out?”. (Oh dear God shoot me now…). Yes, I seem to learn some lessons the hard way.

Being the good little Christian sheltered girl that I was, we did the “right thing” and got married when our daughter was 13 months old.

Men have this extra appendage that is a creature with a mind of its own. Now I got to live with this thing. (I do have to credit this husband with putting up with my naivety back then).

This appendage was not always in the upright position that I had previously known. I soon learned that “morning wood” was not necessarily for me. That means it needs to go water the plants.

I distinctly remember one time following my husband into the bathroom to watch this operation. He did his business, gave it a shake, and tucked it away. I was curious and blurted out… “Doesn’t it go back up inside you??” He almost yelled at me “WTF is wrong with you?”. I told him I was just confused, because that is what happened with the horse. Oops. So much for the stallion idea. Sheesh.

Now, if this was not naive enough, there’s more.

Fast forward a few more years. We had now been married five years, and had four kids. You’d think I knew some things by then. Apparently not.

We lived in a little shack across from his mother, with only wood heat. He had gone out fishing, and had a mishap where he ended up waist deep in water. He had come home soaked and freezing cold. The kids had gone over to grandma’s house. I was stoking the wood fire and parked myself in front of the fireplace on a low stool.

My husband stripped down to nothing and stood in front of the fireplace to warm himself. My eye level noticed something “not there”, and I screamed. Again, he yelled at me, “WTF is wrong with you???”.

Well….. where did it go? Apparently there is something called “shrinkage factor” that creates a turtle scene when that appendage gets cold. Oops. I had no idea. 😕

No, I am not that naive anymore. But this is kinda how the twisted humor developed. In party days with my sister, I was usually the DD. Since I hardly ever drank much, I was the one with the jokes.

One of our faves was:

Do you know how to make babies? You eat watermelon seeds.

Do you know how to not make babies? You spit, don’t swallow.

Know what else? If you hold it just right, you can make ’em shoot real far.

This story is also why my adult kids have grown up with a no holds barred kind of humor and I don’t know if I should be proud or scared.

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These are my daily writings from GRIT: Balancing Mind, Body, Business and Relationships.  If you have enjoyed this story, you are welcome to share in its entirety and tag me so I can thank you. Please ask me how you can join the StoryAthlete community as well.

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